AM I GRIEVING WRONG?

Examining My Guilt Over Not Falling Apart

“How are you doing?” they asked with a concerned look on their face. This well-meaning question was a near constant refrain during my mother’s funeral and the two days of Shiva that followed. Each time I was asked it— whether it be by a close family friend or someone I didn’t even know well enough to recognize—I felt a wave of discomfort. I knew what they wanted me to say. That I was devastated. That I was barely holding it together. That I was either too upset to eat all the food people had piled into my house or so upset I planned to eat all of it. But those responses would have been a lie. Because the truth is, in the days following my beloved mother’s death, I was fine.