Hi Allison,
I know since you went through a broken engagement you had to face the terrifying world of dating again. I’m in a 7 year relationship (I’m polyam and my partner is monogamous) and things have felt off for a while. I’m terrified of breaking up and even more overwhelmed and anxious at the thought of dating if we did break up. Any advice on how dating isn’t actually that bad after a long relationship?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
This is a great question and I think the answer lies somewhere in our definition of “bad.” For some people, dating and the early stages of a relationship are the most exciting part. They love getting to know new people. They love to experience different firsts like the first kiss or the first sleepover. The uncertainty and novelty of it all is seen as a positive thing. I am not one of those people.
Whenever I’ve gotten out of a relationship, the idea of having to do it all again with someone else isn’t just exhausting to think about, its anxiety producing. My favorite part of dating isn’t the thrill of the chase, it’s forming an intimate connection with another human being. I love feeling like I truly know my partner and they know me. And that stage—unfortunately—can only come with time. As a result, dating doesn’t just test our social skills and our ability to be vulnerable, it also tests our patience--something I notoriously do not have enough of!