Hi Allison,
TLDR: How can I process and accept a new diagnosis and new medication?
It took me a while to get to a place where I accepted that I needed therapy (and had the resources to go) but I’ve been going since the fall of 2019. The JBU episode with Sheva Rajaee had a huge impact on me and pushed me to actually make an appointment. I LOVE my therapist and I’ve seen such gains with my mental health in the past 2.5 years. DBT strategies have been so helpful and in the summer of 2020 I accepted that medication might be necessary. I started Lexapro for GAD and it was really effective after we got the dosage that works for me figured out.
Fast forward to my session this week. I’ve been struggling, not wanting to admit that it’s been difficult for me to access my strategies and the medication doesn’t seem to be helping as much. After asking me a few questions my therapist told me she thinks I might actually have OCD. Which isn’t super surprising to me as I just thought I had GAD with some obsessive thoughts and the fact that that JBU episode resonated so much. I’m having some trouble with this new knowledge.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t care and just wants a diagnosis to help me get the correct treatment so that I can better manage my mental health. My therapist is suggesting that I try a different medication that’s better suited for OCD. I’m nervous about that, too. And my brain just feels like it’s buzzing trying to wrap itself around OCD rather than GAD. So, I’m asking if you have any advice or words of wisdom to process and accept this new diagnosis and likely new medication.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
-AJ
Dear AJ,
First of all, let’s take a moment to appreciate how inspiring your mental health journey has been so far. Not only did you find the courage to make that first appointment, you’ve carried on with your treatment and seen significant improvement while developing a strong therapeutic alliance. This is like music to a mental health advocate’s ears! And to know my podcast was a small part of your path is just icing on top of an already decadent cake! I am so proud of you.
In terms of your question, I think the “answer” is multilayered. As someone who has had an OCD diagnosis since I was four, I have never had a self-concept that doesn’t involve this disorder. So I can’t personally speak to this exact experience (although I have had many moments of having to re-accept the hold OCD can have over my life). But I think you touched on the two major components of how to approach this new diagnosis and medication in your TLDR: processing and acceptance. And when it comes to processing this new information, I hope you can start to do so with a heaping dose of self-compassion.