Hey Allison -
I'm a long-time follower/listener of JBU and so glad to be part of the ESL community! Would love to be anonymous if you end up sharing/answering this question. I'm totally fine with you addressing it via Ask Allison or on JBU as a (not) international question.
I got Covid in March 2020 in NYC - before anyone was wearing masks and before we really knew what it entailed. It was a pretty mild case. I couldn't even get a test because I wasn't in need of a ventilator, etc. I had headaches, shortness of breath, and a fever, on and off a bit for about ten days.
Once I started feeling better, I did notice that my shortness of breath (lived in a third floor walk-up with a dog) had not returned to how it was before I was sick. Slowly, more and more Long Covid symptoms made themselves clear in my body but there was no talk of LC or people staying sick longer than their acute infection.
I know I could've just said "Hey, I have Long Covid," but I think it is important to understand that I've been on this journey since before my family in Ohio started to quarantine/shelter in place.
Long Covid has turned my life upside down. I used to load + unload 70 lb. set pieces on tour. I was on my feet for an entire day at a time. I actually functioned fine on 4 hours of sleep and a cup of coffee. I can't work in theatre anymore because the schedule and the labor are too much for my fatigued body. If I carry groceries up the stairs I need to use my inhaler.
Like many first-wave LC folks, the vaccines actually made my symptoms worse. After the first booster, I finally had an LC doctor tell me that I shouldn't get more boosters or vaccines that come along. Which means, I have had to be VERY careful in order to not catch Covid again.
At this point, all of my friends have fully given up on trying not to get it. They've all had it at least once or twice and go to bars, etc. without masking, even knowing and "supporting" me through LC. I started a fight around Halloween because I was so mad about them expecting me to still want to hang out IRL after they've done things that are very risky for me. I also feel like they're not listening to me and allllll the science that are showing how terrible this disease is - or that they don't believe me about how it has impacted me.
If I were them, I would do anything not to end up in the position I am in now. But they don't seem to care or think that they could be impacted. My best friend in particular keeps making excuses and choices that she knows I'm not comfortable with.
My partner and I are struggling so much emotionally with the isolation and desertion. It was just by the government restrictions but now all of our friends have left the "Covid conscious" world as well. We're sad and angry all of the time now. I've stopped going on social media because it pisses me off to see my best friend worried/being an activist about microplastics and bike lanes but not Covid.
I have no interest in spending time with my friends right now because it only makes me more sad and angry. But I don't want to just call off all of these relationships that are years old. I don't know what to do or how to help myself emotionally. I have a therapist that I've been seeing for a while and she is very into the idea of distancing myself but .... that's lonely! And a tough choice.
What do you think?
Best,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I’ll admit that I had a visceral reaction to reading what you’ve been going through. I have also spent the last year or so completely perplexed by people’s reactions to the ongoing pandemic (or should I say lack of reaction). I find myself to be one of the last few who is still masking and taking it all seriously. But what sets us apart is that I have yet to catch it, while you are also having to deal with its enduring effects. Knowing how frustrated I have been without being personally affected, I can’t even imagine the mental turmoil and, quite frankly, anger, you must be dealing with.
So, I’ll start by saying, that this all undeniably sucks. It sucks Covid happened in the first place. It sucks you caught it and are still suffering. And it really sucks that the people you are supposed to love and trust seem to be living in a different reality than the one you know to be true. Unfortunately, nothing I can say will make any of those things change.
But, if we are working with an acceptance model, the next step after acknowledging and properly grieving all the above, is to figure out how to move forward despite it all. And what I am hearing from you (I think!) is that you don’t want to cut everyone out of your life on top of having to deal with your physical health and growing isolation. But your (justified) anger is making it difficult to maintain those connections. All of which makes total sense. So, what can you do?