What Is This “SPARK” Everyone’s Talking About??
Good morning Allison,
I’m emailing today because, well, I’ve been rejected again with the worst words in lesbian dating history: “I’m just getting a friend vibe.”
I. Don’t. Know. What. I’m. Doing. Is that just code for they’re not attracted to me?? Or was I not being flirty enough? Was I being too friendly? Too forward? Not forward enough??
I’m not good at playing the dating “game”. I’m not good at the “will they, won’t they” I want to know upfront… “are we doing this thing (thing=dating)?” Is that a date killer? Should I have felt things out??
Anyway, the girl that I recently went on a date proceeded to say “I’m just not feeling a spark”
WHAT IS THIS “SPARK” THAT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT!? Is it something I’m supposed to feel right away!? If I don’t, does that mean that I don’t like them!?
Why is everyone going off of following the “spark” when you don’t even know me!? What if the spark comes with time and understanding each other!? Is the “spark” just something that tells you that you want to fuck that person!? Or is it something more!? Or is it nothing at all?!
Am I missing something!?
Any and all answers are welcome,
I’m going to get right to the point: a lot of people are terrible at dating, which makes trying to date them extremely frustrating and often futile. And the worst part? I can’t even blame them for being so bad at it. They’ve been fed a false narrative from society at large, Hollywood and their “friend’s friend” that when you know you know and—you guessed it—you should feel a spark. But, like you said, what the hell is that spark exactly?
For some people, I do think a spark is a code for physical attraction. Do you immediately want to be sexually intimate with this person you barely know? Yes or no. And if the answer is no, they decide to move on. Is this always the right decision? It depends. Sexuality is incredibly individual and there are plenty of folks whose attraction to another person can grow over time as they get to know them. But there are also a good number of people who are either attracted or not attracted to someone from the get-go and no amount of time or shared experiences is going to change that.