BOTH ARE TRUE

(Even If It Makes Me Uncomfortable)

Not to be controversial, but it is a pretty freaking scary time to be alive. I can’t open social media or the news without being inundated with terrible things happening all over the world. It can start to feel like our only choices are to become consumed with all the horror or completely block it out so we can keep going. I personally don’t like either option. As I have tried to navigate how to keep fighting for a better world while still enjoying the one I live in, it’s reminded me how often two incongruous things can exist at once. And while it would be simpler to only pay attention to one, I have to hold space for both. Because the more we try to simplify the world around us, the easier it is to ignore things that don’t fit perfectly into our conceptualization. And when that happens, we run the risk of becoming the kind of people who shout EVERYTHING IS FINE as the house burns around us. (Or becoming the kind of people who shout NOTHING IS FINE, while everyone is just trying to have a little ice cream on a Sunday evening.)

So, to avoid either outcome, here are some of the conflicting truths I am currently learning to accept:

1) TERRIBLE THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN THE WORLD

2) GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN MY LIFE

It can feel icky to celebrate or feel joy when we know so many other people are suffering. But depriving ourselves of the good to honor the bad probably won’t cause the positive impact we want anyway. It is possible to feel lucky and grateful without erasing other people’s experiences. And the more fuel we have in our own tanks, the more we can do in the long run.

1) I LOVE SOMEONE

2) I AM DEEPLY DISTURBED BY THEIR VIEW OF THE WORLD 

These past few weeks have sparked a lot of uncomfortable conversations in my life with people I care about. I am doing my best to try to understand how some people come to have the opinions they have instead of cutting them off for having the opinions in the first place. We all fall victim to the media and social messaging we are exposed to, and I need to remember that instead of expecting the same type of thinking from everyone. I am also allowed to have boundaries and breaking points.

1) I REALLY LIKE MYSELF

2) I AM NOT PERFECT

My journey of self-acceptance and self-love has sometimes tipped into arrogance. It makes sense that after years of hating myself, the pendulum has occasionally swung a bit too far the other way. Now I am trying to find a way to continue to nurture my relationship with myself while still acknowledging room for improvement. It is possible to be both humble and confident. I hope to figure out how to live in that space.

1) MY OCD IMPACTS MY LIFE

2) COMPARED TO OTHER PEOPLE, MY OCD IS EXTREMELY MILD

This example gets into the unhelpful instinct to invalidate your own suffering if someone else is suffering more. Someone can--and will--always have it worse than you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still treat yourself with kindness and acknowledge that while things could be worse, they’re still not ideal.

1) I LOVE ANIMALS

2) I AM NOT VEGAN

This one hurts to write about because it still sparks feelings of shame. In an ideal world, I would be a vegan who never uses anything that has been tested on animals or made from animal products. In my current world, I am simply a vegetarian who is only mindful sometimes about certain purchases. There is a version of me that would feel guilt all the time about this incongruity in my values and actions. But the current version of me is trying to accept that I can’t force myself to make changes I am not ready to make, and few people are able to be the best versions of themselves all the time. Also, I really, really love cheese.

1) CLIMATE CHANGE IS DESTROYING THE WORLD FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS

2) I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE CHILDREN

I know some people won’t agree that both these things are true, but to me they are. There was a period in my life when I thought it was selfish or unfair to bring more children into this world—not knowing what state it will be in as they age—but my opinion has shifted with time, conversations and some reading. There is always risk when you bring new life into the world, but there can also be huge rewards.

As you’ve probably gleaned, I am further along with my acceptance of certain examples over others. But simply identifying seemingly conflicting truths helps reinforce that the world is filled with these instances. It reminds me to take a step back and learn how to tolerate the discomfort that comes with things not being so clear cut.

This practice also makes it more obvious when something is black and white, and we morally shouldn’t make space for conflicting opinions. But that is a list for another day.

xoxo,

Allison

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