FORCING MYSELF TO UNDERSTAND (OTHER PEOPLE)
Lately I’ve been battling a strange dilemma. As I learn more about social psychology and neuroscience in my grad program, I have come to better understand why people behave the way they behave and think the way they think. It turns out humans go out of their way to protect themselves and their egos. This causes them to ignore information that might challenge their pre-existing beliefs while eagerly searching for proof that they were right all along. We are also susceptible to societal pressure and have a strong desire to be a part of a tribe. None of this is groundbreaking, but hearing it reiterated week after week has forced me to examine something I have long held to be true. And that is the belief that in order to buy into the current Republican agenda, there has to be something morally wrong with you.
I’ve known that this point of view was flawed for some time. People more often than not simply adopt the politics of their parents. And conservatives are being fed an endless stream of misinformation and disinformation through their news outlets and social media circles. It is extremely hard work to challenge your thoughts and realize you might be on the wrong side of an issue or history in general. And there is very little incentive to do so when the people you surround yourself with already agree with you. But then the other part of my brain activates and it becomes harder to be empathetic toward a group of people who don’t believe in fundamental human rights for all. Who not only turn their heads at the systemic racism our country was built upon but go out of their way to deny its very existence. It is hard for me not to judge people who spend their energy fighting for forced birth while not caring one bit about what happens to those babies or their families after they are born. I often think that if an alien came down to Earth and you explained the Republican political agenda, tactics and belief systems, it would be flummoxed that these same people can be caring neighbors, family members or friends. But such is the complexity of the human experience.
Even though I often talk about the importance of being able to hold two truths at once, I have to admit I am currently struggling to do so. Because if I lean into the psychology and science of it all, it becomes difficult to place the blame on any individual Republican for how they have essentially been programmed to operate in the world. But if I lean into my humanity, it is impossible not to feel overcome with anger that these people are ruining our country and our world because they are too afraid to be wrong. As a mental health advocate, I feel it is important for me to find the good in all people and do my best to understand their underlying motivation and circumstance. As a progressive, I feel it is vital for me to speak out against the hypocrisy and (mainly white) fragility that is leading to real-world consequences. It feels dangerous and untrue to present a difference of political views at this point in time as a simple matter of opinion and socialization without any moral weight tied to either side.
The only good news here is that I’m not in charge of the world. So I don’t need to come up with one finite way to navigate this push and pull in my mind. Over time, I hope that I’m able to come to a sort of middle ground, where I hold people accountable for their political actions without completely losing sight of the person. (That said, some people’s political actions are such a part of their self-identify that there is little left to even consider. Looking at you, Republican politicians.) I need to find a way to not completely lose my ability for compassion and understanding the moment I find out someone thinks Trump did a good job. Otherwise, I too will be guilty of only believing information that fits with my pre-existing ideas about the world. And one of the things I pride myself on is the ability to admit that I’m wrong. Even when doing so pains me a great deal.
I asked my professor the other night if he thinks there is hope of changing people’s minds as the political division in this country gets wider and wider. Is there any possible way to get through to a Republican who has not chosen to challenge their party’s stance despite so many opportunities to do so? His answer wasn’t reassuring. But he said the best hope would be if we can somehow shift people from a tribal mentality to a species mentality. Basically, if people start to see their group as all of humanity, we have the best shot at coming together to fight universal threats like climate change. But, until then, it will be difficult to make any real headway.
Hearing this was disappointing and reinforcing of how difficult it is for people to snap out of harmful belief systems. It is frustrating that a better understanding of the human brain doesn’t make it easier to solve our issues but makes the issues seem more unsolvable. I guess all that is left is for me to not give up on my species. While some individuals might be lost causes, understandably or otherwise, there are many more people out there that care for humanity as a whole. We just have to find each other and simultaneously not let in-fighting tear us apart. And we can have empathy for the people we disagree with while still doing everything in our power to prevent them from doing all those terrible things that “make sense” to them despite the horrible cost.
xoxo,
Allison