FRIENDSHIP SURVEY

***The Following Is A Work Of Fiction Heavily Inspired By My Own Insecurities***

FRIEND: Hi! So funny you called. I was just thinking about you.

WOMAN: You were??

FRIEND: Yeah. I was watching TikTok and this woman was dancing to ABBA.

WOMAN: I love ABBA.

FRIEND: I know! That’s why I thought of you!

WOMAN: Why didn’t you send it to me?

FRIEND: Oh. I don’t know. It wasn’t that good. Anyway, what’s up?

WOMAN: I was wondering if you would be willing to take a brief survey for me.

FRIEND: Ha! Like a telemarketer?

WOMAN: No. Like for research. My own personal research.

FRIEND: I can’t tell if this is a joke, but sure. Hit me.

WOMAN: Great! Please answer the following questions honestly and without any regard for my feelings.

FRIEND: What? I don’t know if I feel comfortable--

WOMAN: First question. When you mention me to other people, how to you refer to me?

FRIEND: Um…By your name.

WOMAN: Sure, but if someone doesn’t know me would you say, “my friend” or “my good friend” or even “one of my best friends.”

FRIEND: Probably my friend. Or maybe my good friend?

WOMAN: Okay, so never “best friend?”