LESSONS FROM MY MOTHER

I’m writing this next to my mother on what is likely the last day of her life (9.23.24). When I arrived home to New York six weeks ago, I had no idea she would be taken from us at all let alone so quickly. But what I did know--and have always known--is that I am so lucky to have had her as my mom.

My mother is the kind of person that people remember. She had that mixture of humor and kindness that people notice even in the briefest of interactions. She has also had a life littered with tragedy from losing her father at three years old to dealing with disability from age nine to dying from a disease so rare only one in a million people are diagnosed with it each year.  I don’t think people need to suffer to become wonderful and wise, but my mother’s unique mix of experiences shaped her into the kind of woman who taught me things I never want to forget.

Here are some of the greatest lessons she’s given me:

YOU DON’T HAVE TO WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING TO DO IT ANYWAY

My mother’s kindness wasn’t ethereal or otherworldly. It was something she actively worked to cultivate. It’s easy to believe that “doing the right thing” comes naturally to people who do it, but she taught me that isn’t the case. My mom didn’t take care of her previously estranged sister when she was dying because she wanted to. She did it because that is what you do--even if it feels awful and hard when you are doing it. My mother’s version of kindness is the type that is attainable for everyone because it is a choice not an inherent trait.