MY WEDDING VOWS

(And What They Mean To Me)

I got married this Sunday. It was an extraordinary day and not just because of the unprecedented tropical storm and a random earthquake. After a lifetime of desperately wanting to get married, I can now safely say: I was right. This whole having a partner who loves you and promises to stay with you through the good and the bad thing is awesome.

I know marriage isn’t the right choice for everyone, and even some wonderful marriages spoil with time and circumstance. But right now, I am allowing myself to bask in the afterglow. I am so thankful that we gave ourselves the opportunity to celebrate our union with the people that matter most to us. Because that’s really what the wedding weekend was about: celebrating our community.

What happens next though--the actual marriage part--is about the two of us.

And to set the tone for that part, John and I wrote our own vows. It was an opportunity to lay out what we love about each other and what kind of partnership we want to maintain moving forward. It was also an opportunity to make each other laugh and feel seen.

Going into the ceremony, I was convinced I wouldn’t cry, since I rarely tear up during socially acceptable moments--saving my snot for more random occasions. But as I said my vows to John, I found myself chocking up and struggling to get the words out. It is a rare thing to get to make such an important declaration to the person you love. In the weeks before, I felt pressure to lead with the funny, since that is my comfort zone, but as you will soon read, I let myself lean into the emotional. And I am so glad I did.

So without further ado, here is what I said up there in front of my now husband. (Wow! That is so fun to write!)

John,

The first time I met you in person after a month filled with FaceTimes and text banter, you showed up to my apartment with the key to my heart. Treats for Sugar. You also bought me a book: Remains of the Day.

Now, nearly two and a half years later, I still haven’t read that book.

But more importantly, you have never forced me to. As you know from my endless rants about Inspector Gamache and that little alien I grew far too emotionally attached to, while I love to  devour books, I have very specific taste. Some might say bad taste. So, when I didn’t immediately connect with your offering, you let it go and didn’t make me feel guilty. I share this because that was the beginning of what I’ve come to see your incredible pattern of acceptance.

Throughout our entire relationship, you have never tried to change me and after a lifetime of feeling like I need to change, that everyone wants me to change, I can’t tell you how wonderful that is.

As you tell me all the time, I am very strange. But you have embraced that strangeness. Dare I say, you even encourage it by being rather strange yourself. If anyone were to peer into our windows at night they would see a medley of strange voices, elaborate dance moves and quite a few I Think You Should Leave impersonations. Not to mention the fake horns you play when it’s time for the dogs to go out, which are surprisingly realistic. (Make him do it for you later)

John, I have been silly dancing my whole life. But you are the first person to always join me. And that is a large part of why we are up here today.

We don’t just live together. We play together. Which is how I know I will never get bored of you--even if I occasionally announce we have officially run out of things to say. Despite my dramatics, deep down I know we will always find a new topic. Or we can just look at the dogs together for hours on end.

I know that by the time we finally met, we had both been in and out of love before. But this is the first time I’ve felt what it is like to have my love for a partner grow day after day. It is an expansive love. A love that gets stronger with time as we accumulate more memories and many more goofs.

You have become an integral part of my existence, which is why I am constantly trying to locate where you are in the house. Even when you are in the bathroom and want me to go away.

In the relatively short time we have been together, you have shown me again and again what it means to be a true partner. Whether it be by putting my pants on after my knee surgery or flying across to the country to attend a 12-hour fantasy baseball draft with my father. You even created a document on your computer to help figure out my various medical mysteries. While we still haven’t solved all my health issues, I know I no longer have to figure them out alone. Who would have thought a document entitled “Allison’s Problems” would make me feel so loved.

When people ask me why I want to get married, my answer is simple. I want you to be my family. I want to trust you and depend on you the way I do my parents and my sister. And I want you to do the same for me.

I have big plans for my life, but perhaps the most important one is to be your wife. It is a role that comes with great privilege and responsibility. And I will do my damnedest to rise to the occasion.

So, up here in front of all our closest friends and family, I promise that I will always laugh at your jokes, I will always have your back and I will always vow to destroy your enemies. Should you ever have any.

You are my safe place. You are my play box. You are my home.

I only hope I can be the same for you.

It feels vulnerable to share this with you, but I hope it shows that we don’t have to fit ourselves into a certain type of marriage. Instead, we get to create whatever type of union we want together. And, for us, our vows will act like a sort of mission statement for how we want to spend the rest of our lives. They are a foundation that we will reenforce (and potentially renovate) with time.

While I’m not sharing John’s vows, please know they were absolutely exceptional. Just like him.

xoxo,

Allison

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