I’m obsessed with the idea of being a good person. I don’t think this obsession makes me a good person, but it does take up a lot of brain space. I grew up worrying I wasn’t doing enough for others and that my decision to pursue the arts instead of becoming a doctor was morally repugnant unless I somehow used my creativity to help other people. Whenever someone I love calls me and I have to be the one to end the call I worry that I was rude and I should have given more of my time. And as the world continues to metaphorically and physically burn around us, I feel a nagging guilt that I am part of the problem because I am not dedicating my life to finding a solution.
While some of my intensity around these concerns are likely (definitely) tied to a subset of OCD called scrupulosity (an obsession with being moral or religious), I think most of us can relate to the desire to be “good.” Unless you favor anarchy or lack the capacity for empathy, we wake up each day with the sense that other people share the world with us and their needs matter too. The balancing act, at least for me, is whose needs matter more?