THE HORROR OF SELF PROMOTION

And How To Push Through It Anyway

I often think about a conversation I had back in early 2014 when I was walking with a guy who would soon become one of my worst short-term boyfriends. We were discussing Instagram and connecting over the fact that neither one of us even had an account. I remember scoffing at the idea of feeling compelled to share your life through social media. Little did I know that within a year, that strategy would become the basis for my entire career.

I have always had a push-and-pull relationship with social media. As a comedian and mental health advocate, I have found so much joy in sharing jokes and stories with people all over the world. I still feel a rush every time someone thanks me for my OCD content because it makes them feel less alone or better able to describe their own experience. If I could just post when I felt compelled to post and genuinely had something new to say, my overall well-being would reap the benefits.

Unfortunately, that isn’t the reality we live in anymore. As a writer and podcaster, my success doesn’t just hinge on the quality of my books, Substack or Just Between Us content. It is largely impacted by my ability to reach people through social media and make them care enough about me to engage and even pay for my work. Even though promoting myself is not something that comes naturally to me. Instead, it is something that makes me want to crawl out of my skin and then fling my skin out a window.

I would have hoped that over the last decade I’d have gotten better at this skillset. But I haven’t. If anything, I have become more averse to self-promotion as my engagement has gone down. I spent so much time in 2022 trying to think of ways to get a TikTok to go viral so more people would find my book Overthinking About You. I figured if I could just get BookTok to pay attention, the masses would come. That never happened. But, I had to keep trying anyway because companies now expect you to sell the thing they paid you to make. (Unlike in the past, when marketing and publicity was, you know, their job.)

What’s even wilder is that creatives aren’t the only ones feeling this self-promotion pressure. It seems every type of business has to make their mark online. Individuals in all careers are feeling compelled to build up their LinkedIn networks and learn how to effectively market themselves to their peers, potential future employers and intended customers. All this pressure adds to our hustle culture where, even if you are done with your actual work, you still feel compelled to think of something else you can do to better position yourself as a commodity. It’s an endless cycle that easily impacts our sense of self because it is no longer about whether a certain project went well or a specific target was hit, but whether we as individuals are “good enough” to be popular.

How can we separate ourselves from our work when we are the work?

I don’t have a fool proof answer, but I think it can be helpful to start to think of yourself as two separate entities. For example, there is Allison the person and Allison Raskin the commodity. Instead of going into self-promotion with the mindset that people are debating my merits as a full-fledged person, I try to think of it as promoting a brand. And while this brand is far more personal to me than some random clothing line, since it is made up of my thoughts, opinions, and creative output, it is still a brand. And having this separation, however thin, helps me categorize self-promotion as a part of my job instead of part of my lifestyle. There are times when I need to do it and times when I am officially off the clock.

Some people will disagree with this approach. They think it is important to always talk yourself up and present yourself as a success to anyone and everyone. You never know when a casual conversation can turn into a business opportunity! And I’m sure there is an advantage to this mindset. But the cost of it simply isn’t worth it to me. I hate going into social interactions with the intention of “selling myself.” It’s one thing to sing my own praises during a professional meeting. It’s another to suddenly feel like I have to be “on” because one person at this picnic works for Disney.

Part of my aversion to self-promotion is probably tied to my personality. What might feel like normal conversation to others often feels arrogant or off-putting to me in social settings. When people ask me what I do I always respond, “I’m mostly a writer” and then try to navigate away from any follow-up questions. There is a time and a place for business and that time and place is not one of my best friend’s bachelorette parties. (Even if her friendship circle is surprisingly powerful in Hollywood.)

Having boundaries for self-promotion is one of the only ways I’m able to sustain it. Because as much as I would like to shirk this responsibility completely and leave all upcoming book promotion to HarperCollins, I have worked too hard to not promote myself. I know I owe it to myself and my projects to push through the discomfort and keep trying to break through the noise, so more people read my work. What I don’t want to do, though, is equate the success of my self-promotion with the quality of my work or my overall talent, because they are not the same things. There are many incredible books out there that never hit the social media wave and that has more to do with luck and algorithms than anything else.

So, as I get closer to my books being published, I will be wracking my brain for ways to get people excited enough to pre-order. I will be posting more than I feel comfortable doing and I will likely obsessively check the views, comments and shares. But I will also do my best to distance my self-worth from the outcome. And I will “punch out” from promoting myself at the end of the day and on the weekends.

Most importantly, I will make room for Allison the person to exist, even if she happens to work for Allison Raskin the brand.

xoxo,

Allison

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