WHAT AM I WILLING TO DO TO HAVE A BABY?

In the early months of my relationship with my now husband, John, we had a frank discussion about kids. We were standing by the kitchen sink of my old apartment, and I had very strong opinions about something, at the time, I knew little about. Without hesitation, I told him that while I was interested in having biological children, I was absolutely not open to invasive fertility treatments, IVF or surrogacy. So, if in the future I didn’t get pregnant easily, that would be the end of the road for me.

These were bold claims to make in general and in particular to John, who was conceived via IVF after many (many) attempts. But at the time, I felt certain of my certainty, which should have been a red flag. Since that conversation, I have come to understand that predicting how I will feel about something in the future is unnecessarily constraining. Especially when it comes to something as complex and emotional as family planning. That’s why when I found myself at a fertility acupuncturist last week, I didn’t know how to respond when she asked what I was willing to do to have a baby.