Here are a few exchanges that might feel familiar to you:
*
PERSON: I don’t feel well.
SOCIETY: That’s because you’re not taking care of yourself. When did you go to bed? Did you drink enough water? I bet you haven’t exercised in forever. Did you even try that supplement I told you about five months ago?
*
PERSON: I don’t feel connected to my friends anymore.
SOCIETY: Have you done anything about it? How often are you reaching out? Do you have a problem asking for help? Do you ask for help too much? Why don’t you join a random activity you are only vaguely interested in to make new friends and get better at friendship?
*
PERSON: My partner crossed a line and hurt me.
SOCIETY: Why did you even date them in the first place? Didn’t you see all the warning signs? You need to do better at protecting yourself and also somehow predicting the future!
*
If none of the above feels relatable, then congratulations! You have either never had any problems or you are solely surrounded by empathetic, highly evolved people. Huge if true!
But for the rest of us, the feeling of sharing a concern or issue and immediately being met with blame happens more often than we’d like. Emotionally it’s confusing how often and quickly people will turn a moment of vulnerability into an opportunity for a lecture.