Also socioeconomic class has a lot to do with how we view ourselves. If we're surrounded by affluent people, we feel differently about our looks than if we're surrounded by working class people, who can't even begin to afford these "treatments" . Just interesting to think about. I also just wish women were allowed to age as men are allowed to age without as much judgment. Sigh. Being a woman....
I'm 57 and I don't give a flying fuck🤷♀️🤣 I never cared what other people thought about me or my appearance. Pretty sure the vast majority of people are too worried about what others think about them to give anyone else much thought.
It's sad to me that women feel this way when they are still so young, in their 30s. I am 51, and lemme tell you, my absolute most SMOKING years were in my 40s. NOT in my 20s by any means (I had acne and was so awkward at that stage). And, hell, I'm STILL looking good at this age. Try not to worry so much at this stage -- you should have so many amazing years ahead in multiple ways.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately too. Mainly the impossible standard Hollywood is placing on aging women. I love watching movies and shows from other countries (they pop up in my Netflix feed now that I’m living in Amsterdam)—the women wear their ages so gracefully. Without the Botox and fillers (at least it appears that way). And to me, that’s beautiful.
Thank you again for writing about your struggles Allison! I’ve been struggling with presenting femmeine as I get older. My facial hair is thicker, my face isn’t as round as it used to be, I have lines on my forehead, ect. ect. ect. So it makes me want to overhaul into just looking as manly as possible because I’d look “better” but that’s so fucked! Like feminity only for young people but masculinity is for any age.
I love botox (even though it's expensive), it's made it so my forehead lines are one thing I can actually control, so I can't bring myself to feel bad about doing it. Should I be so stressed about forehead lines? Obviously not. Am I contributing to the over-normalisation of botoxed faces? Yes. But the fact I can get botox and free up that brain space that would have been taken up with hating my forehead is very freeing, and I will keep doing it until it starts looking weird or I can't afford it...
"To look young in an ageist society was the equivalent of having a platinum credit card most people applied for but got denied. It didn’t solve all my problems, but it did give me a leg up."
"Logically, I know that getting older is a privilege. But it is hard to fight the messaging that no one should be able to tell it is happening."
"What does it even mean to look beautiful and not also look young for your age? Is such a thing possible???
I think aging sucks, and that's just how it is. Maybe for good reasons, maybe not. But now is not the time for me to worry about it (I'm 34, married, with a daughter). I did watch a video about how to do the most basic makeup though.
Also socioeconomic class has a lot to do with how we view ourselves. If we're surrounded by affluent people, we feel differently about our looks than if we're surrounded by working class people, who can't even begin to afford these "treatments" . Just interesting to think about. I also just wish women were allowed to age as men are allowed to age without as much judgment. Sigh. Being a woman....
This is so true!! Thank you for pointing it out! xoxo A
I'm 57 and I don't give a flying fuck🤷♀️🤣 I never cared what other people thought about me or my appearance. Pretty sure the vast majority of people are too worried about what others think about them to give anyone else much thought.
That's a great point!!
I am not worried about growing older since so many people in this world don't get a chance to.
So true <3 A
“my life isn’t of less value the more I live of it” - love this - what if our lives are of more value the MORE we are lucky enough to live?
I certainly prefer that take! xoxo A
It's sad to me that women feel this way when they are still so young, in their 30s. I am 51, and lemme tell you, my absolute most SMOKING years were in my 40s. NOT in my 20s by any means (I had acne and was so awkward at that stage). And, hell, I'm STILL looking good at this age. Try not to worry so much at this stage -- you should have so many amazing years ahead in multiple ways.
Thank you so much for this perspective! It's actually really helpful! -A
Have just preordered my copy of your book in the UK! Very excited to read it!
Yesss! Thank you so much!!
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately too. Mainly the impossible standard Hollywood is placing on aging women. I love watching movies and shows from other countries (they pop up in my Netflix feed now that I’m living in Amsterdam)—the women wear their ages so gracefully. Without the Botox and fillers (at least it appears that way). And to me, that’s beautiful.
Would love to see more representation of that! Also glad to know it is possible haha xoxo A
More Raskin gold
thank you for reading!
Was just mulling this topic over and discussing with a friend. So prescient. Thank you, ESL!!
Thank you for reading!!
Talking about this is desperately needed. (At least I need it.)
I'm so glad it resonated!
Thank you again for writing about your struggles Allison! I’ve been struggling with presenting femmeine as I get older. My facial hair is thicker, my face isn’t as round as it used to be, I have lines on my forehead, ect. ect. ect. So it makes me want to overhaul into just looking as manly as possible because I’d look “better” but that’s so fucked! Like feminity only for young people but masculinity is for any age.
This is so interesting and makes a lot of sense! Thank you for sharing! Femininity should be ageless!
I love botox (even though it's expensive), it's made it so my forehead lines are one thing I can actually control, so I can't bring myself to feel bad about doing it. Should I be so stressed about forehead lines? Obviously not. Am I contributing to the over-normalisation of botoxed faces? Yes. But the fact I can get botox and free up that brain space that would have been taken up with hating my forehead is very freeing, and I will keep doing it until it starts looking weird or I can't afford it...
I love that you love it! Whatever works for us and feels aligned with our values is the way to go!
dear allison,
this is a BEAUTIFUL piece. some of my fave lines:
"To look young in an ageist society was the equivalent of having a platinum credit card most people applied for but got denied. It didn’t solve all my problems, but it did give me a leg up."
"Logically, I know that getting older is a privilege. But it is hard to fight the messaging that no one should be able to tell it is happening."
"What does it even mean to look beautiful and not also look young for your age? Is such a thing possible???
I know that I want it to be."
thank you for sharing!
love
myq
.
Thank you!!
I think aging sucks, and that's just how it is. Maybe for good reasons, maybe not. But now is not the time for me to worry about it (I'm 34, married, with a daughter). I did watch a video about how to do the most basic makeup though.