Every time I log onto Facebook to avoid my work and find links to intriguing but ultimately disappointing articles about celebrities, I am forced to face the person I once was in the form of Facebook Memories. This morning, I was greeted with an old status update that read
This is such a thoughtful piece! Thank you for this! I have a brother who hasn't spoken to me in over 30 years because he still thinks that I am the same person I was as a teen/young adult (I am an old 🙃). He can't and doesn't want to sit down and talk to me today, because thinking of my younger self is too painful for him. For years, I couldn't forgive myself for those past things that I said that hurt him. But I now forgive myself. It is painful to not have a relationship with him, but I'm not sure I would want a relationship with a person who can't be expansive enough to see the capacity for change in people. The most important relationship is the one with myself. Through therapy I have achieved this healthy self relationship. And for that, I am grateful. And, for people like you! ❤️
I also had this habit. It made me feel bad and sad, so i had to Force myself to stop looking. I reminded myself constantly, "I'm not the person now that I was then."
"Most mental health professionals would tell you that if they believed people couldn’t change, they would be in a different field."
"As someone who feels almost unrecognizable to pre-30 Allison, I am a firm believer in people’s incredible ability to change."
"I tend to lean toward forgiveness if someone has proof of how and why they have changed. We are products of our environment, and it can often require a change in what we are exposed to to even be able realize we have a problem in our way of thinking about the world. Because other peoples’ biases are impossible to escape as we grow up, I am less interested in who you once were than who you have become."
After reading the entire article, the analogy about not dwelling on past mistakes stood out to me. It reminded me of the importance of embracing growth and moving forward. Thank you for sharing such insightful reflections!
I love this, you’re so good at eloquently and clearly talking about things that have been floating round my head for years
Holy shit YES 👏👏👏👏👏 Allison you are such an excellent writer 🫶
This is such a thoughtful piece! Thank you for this! I have a brother who hasn't spoken to me in over 30 years because he still thinks that I am the same person I was as a teen/young adult (I am an old 🙃). He can't and doesn't want to sit down and talk to me today, because thinking of my younger self is too painful for him. For years, I couldn't forgive myself for those past things that I said that hurt him. But I now forgive myself. It is painful to not have a relationship with him, but I'm not sure I would want a relationship with a person who can't be expansive enough to see the capacity for change in people. The most important relationship is the one with myself. Through therapy I have achieved this healthy self relationship. And for that, I am grateful. And, for people like you! ❤️
I also had this habit. It made me feel bad and sad, so i had to Force myself to stop looking. I reminded myself constantly, "I'm not the person now that I was then."
That helped a little bit.
dear allison,
this is wise and kind, thank you for sharing!
some nuggets i like a lot:
"Most mental health professionals would tell you that if they believed people couldn’t change, they would be in a different field."
"As someone who feels almost unrecognizable to pre-30 Allison, I am a firm believer in people’s incredible ability to change."
"I tend to lean toward forgiveness if someone has proof of how and why they have changed. We are products of our environment, and it can often require a change in what we are exposed to to even be able realize we have a problem in our way of thinking about the world. Because other peoples’ biases are impossible to escape as we grow up, I am less interested in who you once were than who you have become."
thank you for sharing!
much love,
myq
Great read! Makes me wonder what you'd think about the movie Dream Scenario
Im just a product of my environment
After reading the entire article, the analogy about not dwelling on past mistakes stood out to me. It reminded me of the importance of embracing growth and moving forward. Thank you for sharing such insightful reflections!
A great read!
Loved this. You're the best Allison