Here are two things you should know about me: 1) I am a huge proponent of going to therapy and recommend it to everyone both personally and professionally and 2) I am not a good therapy client.
I started ERP a few weeks ago-- it is BRUTAL. It was really nice to read this; it's a good reminder to hold onto self-compassion through it. Great post, as always
Love this post, thanks for sharing! I relate so much to a lot of your ocd stuff and it's really comforting to know someone else is out there telling their partner not to wear their outside pants on the bed lol. I hope your surgery goes well!
Thank you! I've always found it helpful when people share the specifics instead of speaking broadly about such a complicated disorder that presents so differently for everyone! (Surgery recovery has been rough but trying to take it one day at a time!) xoxo A
Maybe you are desperately trying to 'clean' something out from yourself. Maybe it’s something that your brain thinks has 'stuck' onto you; maybe it’s not something of yours at all.
Sometimes something starts like that and later develops a 'life of its own' as a habit in your life you are trying to control.
Exposure therapy seems like a very regimented approach. It's not for me... I'm no expert, so take my advice with a grain of salt (or ignore it completely). I'm just spilling ideas onto the page here.
It looks like your OCD is a compulsion to do something that alleviates stress or makes you feel better. Keeping things "clean" gives you a sense of control and perhaps even the feeling that you are "good." Your brain has found something that troubles you in life and has found an outlet for it in the form of OCD.
So, the OCD could be an expression of things you don’t like about yourself but have taken on an "exaggerated" or "intensified" form in your mind, and thus in life, manifesting as obsession. It could be a few things or symbols "meshed up" together in the form of one compulsion—things that bother you about yourself, events from the past, or other issues.
I started ERP a few weeks ago-- it is BRUTAL. It was really nice to read this; it's a good reminder to hold onto self-compassion through it. Great post, as always
So glad it was helpful!! Sending lots of love and self-compassion as you continue to do such hard work!! xoxo A
Love this post, thanks for sharing! I relate so much to a lot of your ocd stuff and it's really comforting to know someone else is out there telling their partner not to wear their outside pants on the bed lol. I hope your surgery goes well!
Thank you! I've always found it helpful when people share the specifics instead of speaking broadly about such a complicated disorder that presents so differently for everyone! (Surgery recovery has been rough but trying to take it one day at a time!) xoxo A
Continuation:
Maybe you are desperately trying to 'clean' something out from yourself. Maybe it’s something that your brain thinks has 'stuck' onto you; maybe it’s not something of yours at all.
Sometimes something starts like that and later develops a 'life of its own' as a habit in your life you are trying to control.
It sounds a bit dramatic, but it's not really.
Exposure therapy seems like a very regimented approach. It's not for me... I'm no expert, so take my advice with a grain of salt (or ignore it completely). I'm just spilling ideas onto the page here.
It looks like your OCD is a compulsion to do something that alleviates stress or makes you feel better. Keeping things "clean" gives you a sense of control and perhaps even the feeling that you are "good." Your brain has found something that troubles you in life and has found an outlet for it in the form of OCD.
So, the OCD could be an expression of things you don’t like about yourself but have taken on an "exaggerated" or "intensified" form in your mind, and thus in life, manifesting as obsession. It could be a few things or symbols "meshed up" together in the form of one compulsion—things that bother you about yourself, events from the past, or other issues.
Generally, I remind myself to feel the feelings while striving to maintain a sense of neutrality beneath them.