Allison, thank you for writing about this with such honesty and grace. Your post really resonated with me. If I may, I'd like to maybe add something to think about with regards to your first thought towards the end of your post. I'm wondering if it's not really a question of willpower. I wonder if you're just less hungry at night now that you're eating more during the day - that your body was trying to get the energy it needed from those snacks at night and now it doesn't need it as much. So, it's less why couldn't I change this before, it is a failure of my control and more like before your body needed the calories and it would use what it had to get you to do this. In terms of being a fraud, I think anyone's journey to change things that don't serve them anymore, especially with food, has ups and downs. I think so much of the eating and food discourse today is black and white. It can feel like if you're not doing it all right, then you're doing it all wrong. I know that I am still unpacking these things for myself. Wishing you all the best during this time!
So so very thank you for writing and sharing this with us. I want to say I recently had a nearly identical experience with my blood test results and doctor, and struggle with restricting and indulging. It was really comforting to read this and makes me feel a bit less afraid of implementing changes into my diet. I like the approach of trying over perfection, because like you the idea of not sustaining this is scary. Sending you a lot of love and strength and solidarity from Canada!
Thank you so much for this. I have needed to consider a few of these things myself but I've been very reluctant due to past disordered eating. While I'm still not quite ready to confront my own issues, such as they remain, it's helpful for me to hear your balanced approach to this. Really, really appreciate it
The interaction of writing and eating feels so very close, thank you! I love the way you've named it as "healing my relationship with food." Very wise.
So relatable! I’m actually going through an incredibly similar thing except I was told my blood sugar is too high (the bottom end of pre diabetes). It’s 100% because of my ‘not quite BED’ habit of using chocolate to self regulate, stim, emotional eat etc.
I also have burst into tears multiple times about not being able to eat as much sugar, so I totally get it.
Wild how similar the timing and experience is, so thank you for sharing!
I love the level of honesty you write with. Your work is relatable which causes true inspiration! Ironically, I just posted a guide of 3 questions to ask yourself before you eat, maybe this would be helpful to check out (but I also totally relate to not fully overcoming these eating challenges)! Keep up the great work.
I really enjoyed reading your thought processes here! Food’s something that my own mind grapples with, but I have also been on a similar path as you, with feeling good as the key. And that’s what’s made it easier! I found your willingness to admit doubt incredibly reassuring but I think acceptance of this ultimately helped me a lot with the goal. All the best :)
I got diagnosed with PCOS recently (should’ve been diagnosed MUCH sooner, but that’s a different story) and have been struggling with this too! I’ve always had a massive sweet tooth and learning that I need to cut back on carbs of all kinds has been embarrassingly hard to come to terms with. I’ve never heard the term “food noise” before but it makes so much sense when applied to the way I’ve always thought about food. Thank you for sharing this even as you’re working through it!
This was such a beautiful and vulnerable read, thank you Allison. Relationship with food is so intimate...more intimate than sex! Food literally becomes us, our dna. I'm always so curious about what wants to be fed, so to speak, when it comes to food addiction. I've notice this theme time and time again--the aspect of ourselves that is starving and needs attention. I also want to mention as a gut doc that often times it's the gut bacteria themselves that are causing the mental crazy around food. When out of balance, these microbes have a mind of their own and it is powerful! Literally can feel like your consciousness being hijacked. This may be worth investigating a bit in support of your process. Sending utmost appreciation for your voice and experience.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience. This has helped me confirm some things in healing my relationship with food. Allison, you're a strong, brave soul to open up about this struggle.
Between my weight management and being neurodivergent, food becomes an after thought especially when I'm doing art stuff. Again thank you for some inner details into your world!
I highly, highly recommend the book Intuitive Eating by Tribole and Resch. They're weight neutral dieticians. It helped me so much and speaks to a lot of the things you're struggling with.
This is so relatable. Struggling with controlling your food intake can be a real challenge and it's something that many people can relate to. It's all too easy to question whether we deserve to indulge in something we enjoy, but it's important to remember that we all deserve to treat ourselves every once in a while. I appreciate your honesty and openness in sharing your thoughts and experiences. As a writer, being genuine and transparent is a wonderful quality that readers truly appreciate. Thank you, Allison, for sharing this and I'm sure your words will resonate with many. Please take good care of yourself always.
It can be three steps forward, two steps back, one step forward, three steps back, five steps forward... it's more of a dance really. So, it's okay as long as you keep moving. Eventually you'll go forward again.
I experienced terrible food noise most of my life. In August 2023, I was assessed for help with my various health ailments, and I was put on an elimination diet. Turns out I can't actually eat wheat or alliums. Cutting just those out about 95% of the time significantly reduced the food noise. In December 2023 I was put on Vyvanse for executive functioning issues, and it squashed my appetite and disappeared the rest of the noise entirely. I now find eating to be a chore.
However. I began spending money in such a way that you could write what you did about food noise and just substitute shopping for food. Like, I'm gawping at my monitor reading like YES THIS IS THE WAY IT FEELS. I have no idea who to even talk to about this; I tried going to a psychiatrist to see if I need different meds and it was useless, and the problem began before the vyvanse. It was like I was using food for dopamine, eating for stress/boredom/sadness, and when I couldn't eat wheat anymore began to shift it to shopping and then the medication accelerated it. It has become a literal compulsion. I will be internally screaming at myself *as I am at the cash register.* I've been googling compulsive shopping disorder recently, but I NEVER had a problem with it before August 2023, and again, before that it was the same issue but with food instead. I have no idea if it's OCD-related, ADHD related and I need a different med, if I just have an addictive personality issue, or what. But it's been really bad and triggers a self-hate spiral as after almost a year I'm beginning to jeopardize my finances (I was laid off at the beginning of April, exacerbating the issue exponentially.) If you have any idea how to decrease shopping noise, I'd love to hear it?
All that to say, I am glad you are finding success on this, your strategies seem really realistic, it's okay if you "backslide" (we really need to conceptualize this idea differently, it's normal), you can keep going. I like Steve Kamb from Nerd Fitness's rule of two - you can skip a workout or have a bad meal once, but you can never have two in a row. So you're guaranteed at least a 50% success rate at anything. :)
Allison, thank you for writing about this with such honesty and grace. Your post really resonated with me. If I may, I'd like to maybe add something to think about with regards to your first thought towards the end of your post. I'm wondering if it's not really a question of willpower. I wonder if you're just less hungry at night now that you're eating more during the day - that your body was trying to get the energy it needed from those snacks at night and now it doesn't need it as much. So, it's less why couldn't I change this before, it is a failure of my control and more like before your body needed the calories and it would use what it had to get you to do this. In terms of being a fraud, I think anyone's journey to change things that don't serve them anymore, especially with food, has ups and downs. I think so much of the eating and food discourse today is black and white. It can feel like if you're not doing it all right, then you're doing it all wrong. I know that I am still unpacking these things for myself. Wishing you all the best during this time!
So so very thank you for writing and sharing this with us. I want to say I recently had a nearly identical experience with my blood test results and doctor, and struggle with restricting and indulging. It was really comforting to read this and makes me feel a bit less afraid of implementing changes into my diet. I like the approach of trying over perfection, because like you the idea of not sustaining this is scary. Sending you a lot of love and strength and solidarity from Canada!
Thank you so much for this. I have needed to consider a few of these things myself but I've been very reluctant due to past disordered eating. While I'm still not quite ready to confront my own issues, such as they remain, it's helpful for me to hear your balanced approach to this. Really, really appreciate it
The interaction of writing and eating feels so very close, thank you! I love the way you've named it as "healing my relationship with food." Very wise.
So relatable! I’m actually going through an incredibly similar thing except I was told my blood sugar is too high (the bottom end of pre diabetes). It’s 100% because of my ‘not quite BED’ habit of using chocolate to self regulate, stim, emotional eat etc.
I also have burst into tears multiple times about not being able to eat as much sugar, so I totally get it.
Wild how similar the timing and experience is, so thank you for sharing!
ooo, thank you for sharing this! i think my partner has a lot of this and reading this helps me understand his side more <3
I relate so much to this, Allison, thank you for sharing!! <3
I love the level of honesty you write with. Your work is relatable which causes true inspiration! Ironically, I just posted a guide of 3 questions to ask yourself before you eat, maybe this would be helpful to check out (but I also totally relate to not fully overcoming these eating challenges)! Keep up the great work.
I really enjoyed reading your thought processes here! Food’s something that my own mind grapples with, but I have also been on a similar path as you, with feeling good as the key. And that’s what’s made it easier! I found your willingness to admit doubt incredibly reassuring but I think acceptance of this ultimately helped me a lot with the goal. All the best :)
I often substitute food for dealing with my feelings.
I got diagnosed with PCOS recently (should’ve been diagnosed MUCH sooner, but that’s a different story) and have been struggling with this too! I’ve always had a massive sweet tooth and learning that I need to cut back on carbs of all kinds has been embarrassingly hard to come to terms with. I’ve never heard the term “food noise” before but it makes so much sense when applied to the way I’ve always thought about food. Thank you for sharing this even as you’re working through it!
This was such a beautiful and vulnerable read, thank you Allison. Relationship with food is so intimate...more intimate than sex! Food literally becomes us, our dna. I'm always so curious about what wants to be fed, so to speak, when it comes to food addiction. I've notice this theme time and time again--the aspect of ourselves that is starving and needs attention. I also want to mention as a gut doc that often times it's the gut bacteria themselves that are causing the mental crazy around food. When out of balance, these microbes have a mind of their own and it is powerful! Literally can feel like your consciousness being hijacked. This may be worth investigating a bit in support of your process. Sending utmost appreciation for your voice and experience.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience. This has helped me confirm some things in healing my relationship with food. Allison, you're a strong, brave soul to open up about this struggle.
Between my weight management and being neurodivergent, food becomes an after thought especially when I'm doing art stuff. Again thank you for some inner details into your world!
I highly, highly recommend the book Intuitive Eating by Tribole and Resch. They're weight neutral dieticians. It helped me so much and speaks to a lot of the things you're struggling with.
This is so relatable. Struggling with controlling your food intake can be a real challenge and it's something that many people can relate to. It's all too easy to question whether we deserve to indulge in something we enjoy, but it's important to remember that we all deserve to treat ourselves every once in a while. I appreciate your honesty and openness in sharing your thoughts and experiences. As a writer, being genuine and transparent is a wonderful quality that readers truly appreciate. Thank you, Allison, for sharing this and I'm sure your words will resonate with many. Please take good care of yourself always.
Thank you for writing this.
<b> HEALING IS NOT LINEAR. </b>
It can be three steps forward, two steps back, one step forward, three steps back, five steps forward... it's more of a dance really. So, it's okay as long as you keep moving. Eventually you'll go forward again.
I experienced terrible food noise most of my life. In August 2023, I was assessed for help with my various health ailments, and I was put on an elimination diet. Turns out I can't actually eat wheat or alliums. Cutting just those out about 95% of the time significantly reduced the food noise. In December 2023 I was put on Vyvanse for executive functioning issues, and it squashed my appetite and disappeared the rest of the noise entirely. I now find eating to be a chore.
However. I began spending money in such a way that you could write what you did about food noise and just substitute shopping for food. Like, I'm gawping at my monitor reading like YES THIS IS THE WAY IT FEELS. I have no idea who to even talk to about this; I tried going to a psychiatrist to see if I need different meds and it was useless, and the problem began before the vyvanse. It was like I was using food for dopamine, eating for stress/boredom/sadness, and when I couldn't eat wheat anymore began to shift it to shopping and then the medication accelerated it. It has become a literal compulsion. I will be internally screaming at myself *as I am at the cash register.* I've been googling compulsive shopping disorder recently, but I NEVER had a problem with it before August 2023, and again, before that it was the same issue but with food instead. I have no idea if it's OCD-related, ADHD related and I need a different med, if I just have an addictive personality issue, or what. But it's been really bad and triggers a self-hate spiral as after almost a year I'm beginning to jeopardize my finances (I was laid off at the beginning of April, exacerbating the issue exponentially.) If you have any idea how to decrease shopping noise, I'd love to hear it?
All that to say, I am glad you are finding success on this, your strategies seem really realistic, it's okay if you "backslide" (we really need to conceptualize this idea differently, it's normal), you can keep going. I like Steve Kamb from Nerd Fitness's rule of two - you can skip a workout or have a bad meal once, but you can never have two in a row. So you're guaranteed at least a 50% success rate at anything. :)