One year ago this week, my first nonfiction book came out. While I had co-written two YA novels before, this release was different. I felt that once-in-a-writer’-lifetime sense that I had stumbled upon an idea that hadn’t been fully done before. An entire book that looked solely at the intersection of romantic relationships and mental health? Following a pandemic that exacerbated both areas of people’s lives? I couldn’t wait to hit the bestseller list and get featured on
I absolutely loved Overthinking About You and literally left it out on my coffee table for weeks so that my roommates could read it (I also told them to read it incessantly). I'm sorry that your emotions around it are complex - I can very much relate - but you really did do something special with it. Going to leave a review now!
This post could not have come at a better time for me, Allison! My book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto (shameless plug), comes out on May 9th and I've been REALLY trying to temper my expectations while still being excited. Trying to be happy knowing the book will change people's lives even if I don't get on the lists/become a bestseller. Thank you for this!
I know that this post is a little more about public reception of the book, but I just want to share again my personal gratitude for your work. My success in my relationship (newly engaged!! 💍) is due in LARGE part to your writing/work. Between Overthinking About You, this blog, and JBU, your work has inspired so many conversations between me and my partner that made us understand one another so much better. Thank you for everything, and I hope I still get to read your work for years to come! 💜
The funny thing is that every time we reach a new level of success, our inner critic raises the bar. To me, writing and publishing a book at all, let alone having 80 people like a post about it, feels like the pinnacle of success.
But because you are already there, your brain says “No! It must be more! It must be a best-seller! I’m a failure until I get my phone call from Oprah!” And I bet even once that phone call comes and that interview gets viewed by millions of people, your brain will raise the bar again: a Netflix special! A Hulu series! (It sounds like you have, in fact, already reached that bar in the past?!)
Just remember that you will never be satisfied if you let external benchmarks dictate your happiness. (I am mostly saying this because it’s something I need to remember now too!). Your accomplishments are super impressive to someone hanging out over here with 50 subscribers. And you know what? I bet some of my readers who want to write but are afraid to are impressed that I’m putting myself out there on this platform and publishing my work at all.
Your honest share is a reminder that we all compare ourselves in unhealthy ways to those further along the path. What if we all take a moment to pause and be grateful for where we are?
Getting sick of forcing yourself to be hopeful is SUCH a common feeling for those in creative industries, and for every one else too! You're someone who inspires me with her perseverance and optimism. Nobody can feel hopeful 100% of the time and thank you for sharing your honest feelings with the ESL community. You give US hope!! ❤️
Thank you for this! I am coming up to the end of my masters, at age 33, and have been applying for jobs and not getting interviews cause its such a competitive field (theatre directing) and trying to not get down/worried about that, while still enjoying the work I am doing right now, and that doing the masters is a big deal in and of itself! The balance of hope vs not getting my hopes up is a tricky one, and it's reassuring for someone like you (who I definitely see as successful!) also having those feelings.
I know this feeling myself. Writing is the only thing that I have ever felt passionate about since I was about ten years old, yet sometimes it feels like I'm getting nowhere. However, I know that I'm only a failure if I let myself be one.
Hi Allison! I came to your SS because my dashboard shows that I've gained some followers thanks to your recommendation (thanks for recommending me!). I clicked on this post to poke around and get a sense of your writing... and I found myself nodding through the whole piece.
I too have not figured out if its better to be optimistic or assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised. These days, I try to be cautiously optimistic, but also realistic about odds. Like you, I'm waiting to see if some opportunities will pan out (two projects on sub), but you just never know. Surrendering to the fact that I have no control over how people receive my books has been freeing. So has trying to get myself to a place where, as you say, my " financial security is not solely tied to creative pursuits."
Anyway, this is a long comment to say, thanks for sharing your experience in this post. I completely relate. <3
I stumbled upon your book at the library and it helped and encouraged me immensely! You work inspires me and makes me feel way less alone. Thank you so much for sharing it with the world!!
May 2, 2023·edited May 2, 2023Liked by Allison Raskin
Allison!! Congratulations. If it helps, I consider you to be a very accomplished person. As a (baby) TV writer, I relate to a lot of what you've written here. I would love to hear your advice for calming nerves/managing expectations before going in to pitch... here on substack or as part of the JBUniverse! (Maybe that is niche content, but lots of people have to "sell an idea" in their jobs and I'm interested in how to take care of yourself mentally in the process)
I absolutely loved Overthinking About You and literally left it out on my coffee table for weeks so that my roommates could read it (I also told them to read it incessantly). I'm sorry that your emotions around it are complex - I can very much relate - but you really did do something special with it. Going to leave a review now!
This post could not have come at a better time for me, Allison! My book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto (shameless plug), comes out on May 9th and I've been REALLY trying to temper my expectations while still being excited. Trying to be happy knowing the book will change people's lives even if I don't get on the lists/become a bestseller. Thank you for this!
I know that this post is a little more about public reception of the book, but I just want to share again my personal gratitude for your work. My success in my relationship (newly engaged!! 💍) is due in LARGE part to your writing/work. Between Overthinking About You, this blog, and JBU, your work has inspired so many conversations between me and my partner that made us understand one another so much better. Thank you for everything, and I hope I still get to read your work for years to come! 💜
The funny thing is that every time we reach a new level of success, our inner critic raises the bar. To me, writing and publishing a book at all, let alone having 80 people like a post about it, feels like the pinnacle of success.
But because you are already there, your brain says “No! It must be more! It must be a best-seller! I’m a failure until I get my phone call from Oprah!” And I bet even once that phone call comes and that interview gets viewed by millions of people, your brain will raise the bar again: a Netflix special! A Hulu series! (It sounds like you have, in fact, already reached that bar in the past?!)
Just remember that you will never be satisfied if you let external benchmarks dictate your happiness. (I am mostly saying this because it’s something I need to remember now too!). Your accomplishments are super impressive to someone hanging out over here with 50 subscribers. And you know what? I bet some of my readers who want to write but are afraid to are impressed that I’m putting myself out there on this platform and publishing my work at all.
Your honest share is a reminder that we all compare ourselves in unhealthy ways to those further along the path. What if we all take a moment to pause and be grateful for where we are?
Getting sick of forcing yourself to be hopeful is SUCH a common feeling for those in creative industries, and for every one else too! You're someone who inspires me with her perseverance and optimism. Nobody can feel hopeful 100% of the time and thank you for sharing your honest feelings with the ESL community. You give US hope!! ❤️
SO helpful! I think this comes at the perfect time for a lot of people.
Thank you for this! I am coming up to the end of my masters, at age 33, and have been applying for jobs and not getting interviews cause its such a competitive field (theatre directing) and trying to not get down/worried about that, while still enjoying the work I am doing right now, and that doing the masters is a big deal in and of itself! The balance of hope vs not getting my hopes up is a tricky one, and it's reassuring for someone like you (who I definitely see as successful!) also having those feelings.
I know this feeling myself. Writing is the only thing that I have ever felt passionate about since I was about ten years old, yet sometimes it feels like I'm getting nowhere. However, I know that I'm only a failure if I let myself be one.
Loved your book, and look forward to reading/seeing/buying your future projects!
Hi Allison! I came to your SS because my dashboard shows that I've gained some followers thanks to your recommendation (thanks for recommending me!). I clicked on this post to poke around and get a sense of your writing... and I found myself nodding through the whole piece.
I too have not figured out if its better to be optimistic or assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised. These days, I try to be cautiously optimistic, but also realistic about odds. Like you, I'm waiting to see if some opportunities will pan out (two projects on sub), but you just never know. Surrendering to the fact that I have no control over how people receive my books has been freeing. So has trying to get myself to a place where, as you say, my " financial security is not solely tied to creative pursuits."
Anyway, this is a long comment to say, thanks for sharing your experience in this post. I completely relate. <3
I've recommended this book to so many people!! It's such an accomplishment!!
Your writing, podcast, and YouTube channel has impacted my life completely. I admire you as a writer so much.
I stumbled upon your book at the library and it helped and encouraged me immensely! You work inspires me and makes me feel way less alone. Thank you so much for sharing it with the world!!
I loved your book and it helped me so much! Thank you for sharing these vulnerable thoughts with us!
Allison!! Congratulations. If it helps, I consider you to be a very accomplished person. As a (baby) TV writer, I relate to a lot of what you've written here. I would love to hear your advice for calming nerves/managing expectations before going in to pitch... here on substack or as part of the JBUniverse! (Maybe that is niche content, but lots of people have to "sell an idea" in their jobs and I'm interested in how to take care of yourself mentally in the process)
okay I won't give up 👍