I FINISH MY MASTER’S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY THIS WEEK

Was It Worth It?

It’s wild to think how much of my life--and the world--has changed since I started graduate school in January 2020. When I began the program, I thought I would get licensed as a marriage and family therapist. I also thought I would marry my ex and knew absolutely nothing about a little something called Covid-19. Now, over three and a half years later, I’m about to marry someone entirely different in three weeks, I still wear a mask to class, and I switched my degree from clinical psychology to psychology because I have no intention of ever getting licensed as a therapist.

What a whirlwind it has been!

Since I made the decision to not get licensed, I’ve had to grapple with whether doing this incredibly time consuming and stressful program has been worth it. What will having a master’s in psychology actually mean for my career? I already published one nonfiction mental health focused book without it, and I’ve been able to build this platform and the accompanying Instagram account despite not having any professional credentials. Was this all just a waste of time and my parents’ money? (Because let’s be real here. My decision to go back to school in the first place was made far easier by the fact that I didn’t have to take out loans to do it.)

But as I finish up my final week, I feel compelled to find meaning in the program. Sure, I might not become a therapist, but I still do a lot of work in the mental health field through my advocacy and writing. And I don’t think I would be able to do the same level of work if I was still primarily working off only my own lived experience.

This degree has helped expand my knowledge and think about mental health completely differently than I did before. While I can’t remember everything I’ve learned, here are some of my biggest aha moments:

·      Medication simply doesn’t work for everyone. This might seem like a no brainer, but as someone who has been on and off medication since I was four years old, I didn’t understand that it’s biologically not as effective for some people. I also learned more about the severe side effects of certain medications and gained more empathy and understanding for why some people with chronic mental illness decide to go off their meds even when they are advised not to.

·      Estrangement, even from family members who treat you terribly and cause a lot of issues, is incredibly painful. I used to not understand why people wouldn’t just cut their family off if they behaved a certain way. Now I understand that the cost that comes from estrangement or no contact often isn’t worth it. I also can better appreciate the huge toll it takes on people who do go no contact and how it can cause a continued sense of loss, instead of a clear-cut improvement to their lives.

·      The most important part of therapy is the therapeutic relationship between the therapist and client. So much of why therapy works and how the brain operates isn’t fully understood. But research keeps showing that this relationship is the biggest factor in whether therapy will be effective or helpful. While it’s somewhat discouraging to realize that therapy is as much an art as it is a hard science, it’s also wonderful to know how much healing can happen through something as basic as human connection.

·      People won’t remember what you say as much as how you made them feel. Learning this helped me take the pressure off myself to always say the “right” thing. If I show up for people and I listen and I let them know I care, they will (hopefully) remember that supportive energy more than whatever words fumble out of my mouth.

·      Insight alone doesn’t solve problems. There is often a big focus on “why we are the way we are” and while that can be an important part of the process, understanding yourself doesn’t provide you with coping mechanisms, interpersonal skills or the ability to emotionally regulate. It also won’t fix systematic problems like racism, sexism or societal oppression. As a result of this reality, the mental health community can’t just be focused on individuals. We also need to fight for social justice. It doesn’t matter if therapy helps if people can’t access therapy. And making clients feel like they can just CBT their way out of microaggressions, isn’t just unrealistic, it is harmful. We have to collectively fight the system. Not just encourage people to think positively as their homes burn down due to climate change.

·      The unhoused community often turns to drugs to survive living on the street (rather than the narrative that they are already using and then become unhoused as a result). This is not dissimilar to the way people will come home from a hard day of work and have a drink to decompress. And yet, we are so quick to judge the unhoused for doing what they have to do to physically and mentally survive their dangerous conditions.

·      Adverse childhood experiences impact people for their entire lives. While people can heal and grow as adults, so much good can be done by focusing on prevention instead of just trying to treat issues after the fact. How can we, as a society, actively avoid negative outcomes instead of just trying to fix them after they happen?

·      What works for me might not work for you and vice versa. People are far too complex for there to be one-size-fits-all solutions. The best care is individually tailored and culturally considerate.

·      Our families are like cults. They teach us “rules” for how to operate in the world and as we get older, we have to decide if those “rules” are still serving us or not.

·      Every romantic relationship is an intercultural relationship because we were all raised differently and have had different experiences. It’s silly to assume that two random people will inherently know how to be good partners to each other. We have to teach each other how we operate and what works for us.

I’m sure there are many more takeaways I’m missing. Along with all the other things I’ve picked up over the last few years from the various podcast and book interviews I’ve done, as well as the (countless) TikToks I’ve watched. I don’t think people need a formal education to learn more about this stuff, but as someone who isn’t good at reading textbooks for fun, having the structure of a graduate program allowed/forced me to expand my overall knowledge in this space.

It's impossible to say if or how having a master’s degree will impact the rest of my life. I might get hired to consult on a TV show because of it. I might start a relationship coaching business one day and the master’s will give me credibility. Or maybe I will just write novels until I die and never use my degree in a “practical” sense.

But when it comes to me as a person, this process has dramatically changed how I think about the world, how I care for other people and what type of content I create. It’s given me more empathy and understanding. It’s motivated me to push for systemic change outside of the therapy room. And it’s shown me that I can do hard things to provide for my future self even when I really (really) don’t want to.  

xoxo,

Allison

Journal/Comment Prompt: Have your thoughts about mental health changed at all in the last few years? If so, how do you think differently than before and what prompted the change?

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