I’ve had OCD since I was four years old. At 33, you would think I would have figured this thing out long ago. But it’s only in the last few years that I have really learned how to properly articulate how my OCD shows up and interferes with my life. I think this speaks to the fact that living with a disorder or neurodivergent traits doesn’t automatically mean we understand what’s going on with us. This can make it that much harder to be able to describe our experience and perspective to other people. I feel lucky that I now have a better grasp on what it feels like to have my version of OCD. It makes it easier for me to have self-compassion and fill my loved ones in on my day-to-day reality. I’ve made a lot of videos and tweets about various parts of what it’s like for me, but I’ve never written it all down in one place. Until now! This is it! I’m going to make my OCD “cheat sheet!”
Allison, I'm especially moved by item 9. As someone who's battling depression and anxiety for the past 8 years, my whole adult life, I constantly worry about who I am versus who I was supposed to be if I didn't have this mental ilnesses. This thought drives me crazy sometimes and I was wondering if you have plans to expand on that feeling. Thanks a lot for another brilliant essay
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was seven, and I’ve gone through a pretty similar journey as you! Our OCD themes are very nearly the same. (“The ick, not the sick!” is such a helpful descriptor)
Allison, your last point resonates with me so much!!
I have been wondering what kind of person I would be if I didn't feel anxiety. What if it makes me a more diligent, hardworking person because I worry about being punctual and preparing for things I consider important? Sure, it wrecks my life and drains me of energy, but what if I become lazy in its absence? These are questions nobody can answer.
Do you have plans of writing about this feeling? What if we end up glorifying our mental health challenges in the process of accepting them (not fully, because they make our lives difficult)?
Thanks again for another thoughtful essay. It's so helpful to have a person who actually experiences an illness to go into the details of how it affects their life. ❤
I have a hard time touching door handles, because how do I know if the people who have touched it before me washed their hands after using the bathroom.
Allison, I'm especially moved by item 9. As someone who's battling depression and anxiety for the past 8 years, my whole adult life, I constantly worry about who I am versus who I was supposed to be if I didn't have this mental ilnesses. This thought drives me crazy sometimes and I was wondering if you have plans to expand on that feeling. Thanks a lot for another brilliant essay
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was seven, and I’ve gone through a pretty similar journey as you! Our OCD themes are very nearly the same. (“The ick, not the sick!” is such a helpful descriptor)
Allison, your last point resonates with me so much!!
I have been wondering what kind of person I would be if I didn't feel anxiety. What if it makes me a more diligent, hardworking person because I worry about being punctual and preparing for things I consider important? Sure, it wrecks my life and drains me of energy, but what if I become lazy in its absence? These are questions nobody can answer.
Do you have plans of writing about this feeling? What if we end up glorifying our mental health challenges in the process of accepting them (not fully, because they make our lives difficult)?
Thanks again for another thoughtful essay. It's so helpful to have a person who actually experiences an illness to go into the details of how it affects their life. ❤
I have a hard time touching door handles, because how do I know if the people who have touched it before me washed their hands after using the bathroom.