My dad is in town for a couple of days and this morning I had to take him to urgent care. He’s had a shooing nerve pain in his arm for a few months and it’s gotten to a point where the agony isn’t manageable. As we were driving there—following a delicious breakfast at IHOP, because even bad days can have glimmers of joy—he told me that I should just drop him off so I could go back home and do my work. I replied, “Would you just drop me off?” Game point. Discussion over.
I was raised in a family that prioritized taking care of each other. When my mom had knee surgery in 2018, I flew home to take care of her. And when I had knee surgery in 2022, both my parents flew out to take care of me. There is an underlying understanding that loving someone means being there for them both emotionally and physically whenever possible. I feel so grateful to have this type of dynamic ingrained in me. But I have struggled as an adult to recreate it in my friendships.
There was a popular TikTok making the rounds the other week where a woman discusses how, due to capitalism and an obsession with prioritizing our productivity, we have moved away from the “small favors economy.” Basically, in past generations it was more normalized to rely on other people in our community to help us out. Asking for a ride to the airport wasn’t a great offense, but an opportunity to show someone that you cared about them. But as independence has become more and more glorified (much to my chagrin), people are less likely to ask other people to help them out. This then creates a sort of limit on how close we are able to get to the people we care so much about.