Especially like the bit about not reading mishaps as signs that it's not "meant to be" or whatever. This sort of warmhearted realism is just great. Thanks for sharing your life with your readers.
Not to get too parasocial on you, but I often feel SO seen by you, Allison!
My partner and I decided to buy a house together 6 months into our relationship.
Two of my dearest friends are ex boyfriends of mine.
My partner and I literally bonded over the idea that "love doesn't have to end but it will and can change" because we both had pretty bruised and battered hearts when we met but also solid and beautiful friendships with past paramours. (which had been a problem in other relationships)
Early in our relationship I found out that while I had been in LOVE before, I hadn't truly ever had a partner in the way I do now. Making big decisions like where to live, what to do with money, and other stuff became an easy and natural part of our relationship. Now, three years in, I can look back at all those stepping stones of thoughtful choices and caring actions and see they built the life I have today. Even if as the timeline unfolded it was confusing and even eyebrow raising to some family and friends.
I really like this! Definitely want to hear more stories about cold feet and wavering and unsureness. I also think that so much of what makes a good partner doesn't make for a good story- reliability, responsibility, showing up day in and day out. The best parts of love are kind of the boring bits that are impossible to show in movies, tv, and novels. I think the most romantic thing about your post is your husband taking care of you after surgery!
Thanks so much for sharing this story! Having OCD that morphs into ROCD sometimes. I can get so into my head about having the perfect love story and perfect feelings all the time when that is just not the practical. Your writing ( even though I don't always interact with your content online) Has been helping me for the last year and this piece in particular has really helped. We truly don't know the truth of love stories and some are not as perfect as we may think. Thanks Allison. Kind regards, Greer
I am more and more convinced that it is a good sign for a lasting relationship if you weren’t looking for a relationship when meeting your partner; when you got together because you just enjoy the company of the other person and feel safe with them. I met my partner 1.5 months after a very bad end to a very bad relationship. At the time, I didn’t want to get into a relationship for years to come. I moved to another country six weeks after we met. And still, we stayed in touch. We travelled together as friends with benefits before becoming a couple months later, when I was ready. He told me he loves me in the first day of our relationship. I accidentally farted in front of him on the first day of our relationship. Like you, I worked through a lot of the pain in conversation with him. I learnt to trust myself again thanks to him. It was not romantic but it’s real.
Allison, thank you for that wonderful story. I picked out my engagement ring too, but I divorced him 4 years ago and hope then next one is better than the last. I am not that person anymore! I’m not even the same person I was 4 months ago. Much healing and realizing that I deserve to have someone who loves me for me and I now have expectations! lol. I love your writing. Thank you. Lynne
Love this! I met my second husband (a total gem) whilst I was still married to my first husband…because my first husband decided he no longer wanted to be married (he told me via text). I get that life can be messy and someone good can heal your broken heart. 🫶🏻 So glad you found your person.
“I think of it all as proof that a broken heart can heal. Especially when it’s held with care by someone new.” ❤️ 💯
As silly as it sounds, I think our situations happened around the same time and seeing you navigate it helped me. I felt for you so much and am so delighted you found the right person now. 🫶🏻 Losing a partner unexpectedly when you think you were happy is so world shattering but if you can come through it then the rest of life’s challenges seem doable somehow.
I write about my journey on my Substack — well, all the wrong people I dated (and why) — eventually finding my forever husband who is an amazing partner (and I do think it’s rare and I’m very lucky).
Johnathan and I both picked out our rings. We chose the day of the proposal, the only surprises was what time in the day and where. Thanks so much for your transparency! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I agree with basically everything you write about love, and at the same time consider myself a big time Romantic. I make sense if it like this: Goethe and Byron and Mary Shelley had it right when it comes to the feelings. Sometimes the feelings are big and dramatic and you need big metaphors to talk about them, like people straight up dying of a broken heart. It feels like that could happen when one is going through it.
Inside, I do see myself very clearly in their romamtic heroes, i just don't make decisions like their characters do. Outside I'm very reasonable, I think, about love and relationships.
I don't know if I'm explaining it very well but I think it makes sense xD
For example I think I have met the love of my life because I'm gonna spend my life with him if I can, and he is going to be that, but I know I loved people before just as much, and I would again of something happened.
The push and pull between reality and romanticized romance is real! Your version of being a Romantic might be it's own unique thing that works for you! xoxo A
The part when you covered his mouth and mistakenly his teeth as well was hilarious 😂. It sums up the main point really well. Thanks for sharing, we appreciate the honesty!
This all goes to show that love really is not just a feeling. It’s created through actions. What a wonderful love you and John have cultivated 💙
Thank you so much! And I totally agree about it being an action!
honestly, I think this would make for an amazing romcom script. I would 1000000% watch it.
Ooooooo I might just have to still some bits for my next one!
Same absolutely
Especially like the bit about not reading mishaps as signs that it's not "meant to be" or whatever. This sort of warmhearted realism is just great. Thanks for sharing your life with your readers.
Thank you!! And I love the term "warmhearted realism!" Will be borrowing in the future!
Not to get too parasocial on you, but I often feel SO seen by you, Allison!
My partner and I decided to buy a house together 6 months into our relationship.
Two of my dearest friends are ex boyfriends of mine.
My partner and I literally bonded over the idea that "love doesn't have to end but it will and can change" because we both had pretty bruised and battered hearts when we met but also solid and beautiful friendships with past paramours. (which had been a problem in other relationships)
Early in our relationship I found out that while I had been in LOVE before, I hadn't truly ever had a partner in the way I do now. Making big decisions like where to live, what to do with money, and other stuff became an easy and natural part of our relationship. Now, three years in, I can look back at all those stepping stones of thoughtful choices and caring actions and see they built the life I have today. Even if as the timeline unfolded it was confusing and even eyebrow raising to some family and friends.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I love the distinction between "feeling in love" and "building a true partnership." They are two different things!
I really like this! Definitely want to hear more stories about cold feet and wavering and unsureness. I also think that so much of what makes a good partner doesn't make for a good story- reliability, responsibility, showing up day in and day out. The best parts of love are kind of the boring bits that are impossible to show in movies, tv, and novels. I think the most romantic thing about your post is your husband taking care of you after surgery!
Such a great point!! And that time period was certainly INTIMATE!
Thanks so much for sharing this story! Having OCD that morphs into ROCD sometimes. I can get so into my head about having the perfect love story and perfect feelings all the time when that is just not the practical. Your writing ( even though I don't always interact with your content online) Has been helping me for the last year and this piece in particular has really helped. We truly don't know the truth of love stories and some are not as perfect as we may think. Thanks Allison. Kind regards, Greer
I'm so glad it was helpful Greer! I'm going to be doing a webinar on ROCD in June if you're interested! Will be posting about it soon xoxo A
Thankyou so much for your reply! That sounds great. I will definitely be interested. I will keep a look out for info Xo
Romance movies create unrealistic expectations that have no basis in reality.
10000%!
I love this. I love it.
Ahh thank you Ella!! Currently reading your book and loving it!
OMG!!!
dear allison,
this is a beautiful story!
i love this sub-title as well: "Why We Need To Stop Romanticizing Romance"
thoughtful and fun and meaningful and delightful as always!
thank you for sharing!
love
myq
Thank you Myq!!
I am more and more convinced that it is a good sign for a lasting relationship if you weren’t looking for a relationship when meeting your partner; when you got together because you just enjoy the company of the other person and feel safe with them. I met my partner 1.5 months after a very bad end to a very bad relationship. At the time, I didn’t want to get into a relationship for years to come. I moved to another country six weeks after we met. And still, we stayed in touch. We travelled together as friends with benefits before becoming a couple months later, when I was ready. He told me he loves me in the first day of our relationship. I accidentally farted in front of him on the first day of our relationship. Like you, I worked through a lot of the pain in conversation with him. I learnt to trust myself again thanks to him. It was not romantic but it’s real.
Thank you for sharing this! It helps highlight that everyone's story is totally different! And that's okay/wonderful!
As a hopeless romantic, I wish I could start to view relationships that way. Thank you for sharing, it's valuable!
I'm so glad you liked it! And never say never when it comes to a perception shift!
Allison, thank you for that wonderful story. I picked out my engagement ring too, but I divorced him 4 years ago and hope then next one is better than the last. I am not that person anymore! I’m not even the same person I was 4 months ago. Much healing and realizing that I deserve to have someone who loves me for me and I now have expectations! lol. I love your writing. Thank you. Lynne
Thank you so much for reading! I totally relate to feeling like a new person every few months/years. So excited for your next chapter <3 A
Love this! I met my second husband (a total gem) whilst I was still married to my first husband…because my first husband decided he no longer wanted to be married (he told me via text). I get that life can be messy and someone good can heal your broken heart. 🫶🏻 So glad you found your person.
“I think of it all as proof that a broken heart can heal. Especially when it’s held with care by someone new.” ❤️ 💯
What a wild story you have too! I love that we both kept going and found someone great xoxo A
As silly as it sounds, I think our situations happened around the same time and seeing you navigate it helped me. I felt for you so much and am so delighted you found the right person now. 🫶🏻 Losing a partner unexpectedly when you think you were happy is so world shattering but if you can come through it then the rest of life’s challenges seem doable somehow.
I write about my journey on my Substack — well, all the wrong people I dated (and why) — eventually finding my forever husband who is an amazing partner (and I do think it’s rare and I’m very lucky).
Johnathan and I both picked out our rings. We chose the day of the proposal, the only surprises was what time in the day and where. Thanks so much for your transparency! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Love that!! So happy for you two!!
Thank you!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I agree with basically everything you write about love, and at the same time consider myself a big time Romantic. I make sense if it like this: Goethe and Byron and Mary Shelley had it right when it comes to the feelings. Sometimes the feelings are big and dramatic and you need big metaphors to talk about them, like people straight up dying of a broken heart. It feels like that could happen when one is going through it.
Inside, I do see myself very clearly in their romamtic heroes, i just don't make decisions like their characters do. Outside I'm very reasonable, I think, about love and relationships.
I don't know if I'm explaining it very well but I think it makes sense xD
For example I think I have met the love of my life because I'm gonna spend my life with him if I can, and he is going to be that, but I know I loved people before just as much, and I would again of something happened.
The push and pull between reality and romanticized romance is real! Your version of being a Romantic might be it's own unique thing that works for you! xoxo A
The part when you covered his mouth and mistakenly his teeth as well was hilarious 😂. It sums up the main point really well. Thanks for sharing, we appreciate the honesty!
The way my fingers curled into his mouth hahah Thank you for reading!!