One of my professors in grad school is so well established in the mental health field that he has fans throughout the community and his books are regularly used in other programs’ curriculums. I often find myself sitting on Zoom, furiously writing down things that probably should have been obvious to me, but had never been presented in such a succinct and digestible way before. One of those moments happened when he was talking about coaching high-powered executives--one of the many things he does in his expansive career. He said that these people are clearly smart and talented but their inability to properly emotionally regulate gets in their way. They end up having difficulty interacting with other people because they aren’t in control of their reactions, and this prevents them from achieving their full professional potential. I found this fascinating. We spend so much time as a society focused on perfecting professional skills but rarely find the encouragement or resources to focus on our emotional ones.
One thing I really credit my anti-anxiety medication for is showing me how it can feel to not spiral in a triggering situation. Like, once I experienced a triggering event while on medication and did not freak out about it - my medication allowed me to stay calm and just objectively deal with the challenge nonemotionally - I was able to better emulate that without medication. It's like before medication I didn't know it was possible to deal with a setback in such an even-keeled manner, and now that I knew my body and brain were capable of it, I could aim for that and work on getting there without medication. Also just knowing my medication is there if I need it is extremely helpful, even if I don't end up taking it.
Thank you SO much for sharing this! I relate to it a lot and also think it speaks to how important it is to just know what is possible in the first place! xoxo A
Thank you so much for this post, it really resonated with me! I've also improved my emotional regulation over time and it's been life-changing. Thanks for all your wonderful content!
Love this. I have a lot of problems with emotional regulation. I'm very reactive and a big convo with my therapist right now is about taking "the pause" to feel my feelings but not blast them out to other people in walls of texts or other "venting" that doesn't make me actually feel any better and leaves me embarrassed 5 minutes later, when I'm over it.
I like the idea that this is something we can change. I remember I used to say I was "bad with money," as if that was some immutable state of being. A friend told me I was trapping myself in that identity, and it's something I could reframe: "You're not bad with money inherently, you're just working to get better at money right now because money is challenging for you."
Maybe that's how I need to think of being emotionally reactive. It's something I can continue to work on and change and maybe just not feel is part of myself anymore, at some point.
I love this shift in perspective so much! It is definitely something that can be learned, even if some of us struggle more than others. Thank you so much for sharing this! xoxo A
woah! thanks so much for taking the time to respond! that does make sense. I am hearing that you maybe have felt that way but have learned its worth it / to trust it over time?
I think I have come to be okay with doing whatever I need to do to feel better because I'm learned that when I feel good I am able to show up more for everyone else! So it is worth whatever route I take to get there if that makes sense!
One thing I really credit my anti-anxiety medication for is showing me how it can feel to not spiral in a triggering situation. Like, once I experienced a triggering event while on medication and did not freak out about it - my medication allowed me to stay calm and just objectively deal with the challenge nonemotionally - I was able to better emulate that without medication. It's like before medication I didn't know it was possible to deal with a setback in such an even-keeled manner, and now that I knew my body and brain were capable of it, I could aim for that and work on getting there without medication. Also just knowing my medication is there if I need it is extremely helpful, even if I don't end up taking it.
Thank you SO much for sharing this! I relate to it a lot and also think it speaks to how important it is to just know what is possible in the first place! xoxo A
Thank you so much for this post, it really resonated with me! I've also improved my emotional regulation over time and it's been life-changing. Thanks for all your wonderful content!
Thank you so much for reading!! xoxo A
Love this: A hurtful comment is only hurtful if I let it hurt me (something I didn’t always know to be true).
Game changer for me! xoxo A
Love this. I have a lot of problems with emotional regulation. I'm very reactive and a big convo with my therapist right now is about taking "the pause" to feel my feelings but not blast them out to other people in walls of texts or other "venting" that doesn't make me actually feel any better and leaves me embarrassed 5 minutes later, when I'm over it.
I like the idea that this is something we can change. I remember I used to say I was "bad with money," as if that was some immutable state of being. A friend told me I was trapping myself in that identity, and it's something I could reframe: "You're not bad with money inherently, you're just working to get better at money right now because money is challenging for you."
Maybe that's how I need to think of being emotionally reactive. It's something I can continue to work on and change and maybe just not feel is part of myself anymore, at some point.
I love this shift in perspective so much! It is definitely something that can be learned, even if some of us struggle more than others. Thank you so much for sharing this! xoxo A
woah! thanks so much for taking the time to respond! that does make sense. I am hearing that you maybe have felt that way but have learned its worth it / to trust it over time?
sometimes it feels like I am trying to brainwash or trick myself when trying to emotionally regulate or use my dbt skills. do you ever feel that way?
I think I have come to be okay with doing whatever I need to do to feel better because I'm learned that when I feel good I am able to show up more for everyone else! So it is worth whatever route I take to get there if that makes sense!