If you follow me on social media, you’ve probably noticed that I make a lot of jokes about my ex-fiancé walking out on me. One of my favorites to date is a video where I addressed a comment that said, “It’s starting to make sense why the previous guy left. So many issues that are then projected onto her partner.” In the TikTok, I address this criticism while oblivious to the fact that John is sneakily packing his bags and “leaving me” in the background. The silly video ends with me lamenting “not again!” to an empty room. I’ll admit that this brand of humor isn’t for everyone. But I am not everyone and the ability to joke about the darker parts of my life and history has always been my favorite coping skill.
I agree wholeheartedly. The power of humor should never be understated. I worked as a Psych nurse with folks experiencing homelessness, severe and persistent mental illness and substance addictions (all 3) and the consistent thing I shared with every one of my clients was humor. (And love) Humor breaks the ice. Humor forms a small and immediate bond with a stranger. Humor softens the hard blows of life. Humor lifts the spirits and makes us feel hopeful, if even only for a few moments. At 66 my life has been full of loss, grief, trauma, physical pain, emotional struggles .... yet I have had a WONDERFUL life. For two reasons .... well, more than two, but here are two biggies: HUMOR and love. As long as you keep loving people and laughing at life you are golden, IMHO. Keep laughing, keep smiling, keep loving. Don't let life bust your ass. That is all I have to say.
Also... it’s not anyone else’s business but yours? You cope with loss differently than others do. I think by naming and facing it-- and using humour as a tool to ease into the topic-- we bring light to what pain was there, and can empathise. Just my opinion though. 💖
I completely agree with your line of thinking. I think what gets lost in these discussions is that, once we put ourselves out there, we become public figures somewhat, and we are open to all that comes with it. There will always be harsh and wrong takes that have zero to do with you. We either get defensive, or we use that same humor to deflect. Or, we just ignore it. There are millions of opinions, but there is only one truth - yours. Just keep speaking your truth. All you can do. The rest will eventually fall away.
I’m so glad you wrote about this. While I’m sure anyone reading this knows more about you than those who made the ignorant comments on your Instagram post, rather than let it break you down, you used it as an opportunity to expand on how using humor in your relationships works for you (which is all that matters after all). I admire this so much about you. I also have mental health issues and past trauma and humor has been vital in dealing with it and have been criticized many times for it.
I saw that post on IG and, like basically everything you post, I related to it all too well. You always have a way of making me feel seen, that I’m not the “only one”. I planned to comment with just that until I happened to see what others said. I can’t say I was surprised (sadly), but that sense of connection and relatability I’d felt moments earlier began to shift to disappointment. I still commented, but rather than it being about your post, it was in regards to those comments. Am I glad I spoke up? Of course, even more so as I’ve been actively working on being open about how I feel and speaking up, especially when it involves things like mental health (even if it may “rock the boat”). What upset me was that in the process, I lost sight of why I wanted to say something in the first place. Now that I have the opportunity again I wont pass up the chance to say what I wanted to then (and have for a long time). Thank you for your vulnerability, for helping me feel seen.
This is so unbelievably kind and wonderful to read! Knowing my work can help in this way makes all the other hard parts more than worth it. Thank you so much for your support--it means more than you know <3 A
"Humor doesn’t erase our hurt, but it does prove that hurt doesn’t have to be all we feel." I really love how this is worded.
In 2021, my friend's partner died tragically and then 3 months later, my partner left me 2 days before our wedding. My friend and I have dealt with our grief by making each other laugh (with crying in between of course). Knowing that it relieves the deep hurt, even if just for a brief few seconds, makes it worth it. Trying to keep a positive / comical view on what has happened in your own life couldn't be more important and when people you love are trying to do the same for you, it can deepen your bond in ways you weren't expecting.
I really dislike it when people who know close to nothing about you dictate how you should live your life and make you feel terrible about it. Is sympathize with you on that.
I agree wholeheartedly. The power of humor should never be understated. I worked as a Psych nurse with folks experiencing homelessness, severe and persistent mental illness and substance addictions (all 3) and the consistent thing I shared with every one of my clients was humor. (And love) Humor breaks the ice. Humor forms a small and immediate bond with a stranger. Humor softens the hard blows of life. Humor lifts the spirits and makes us feel hopeful, if even only for a few moments. At 66 my life has been full of loss, grief, trauma, physical pain, emotional struggles .... yet I have had a WONDERFUL life. For two reasons .... well, more than two, but here are two biggies: HUMOR and love. As long as you keep loving people and laughing at life you are golden, IMHO. Keep laughing, keep smiling, keep loving. Don't let life bust your ass. That is all I have to say.
I love and appreciate this perspective so much! Thank you for sharing and for all that you do! xoxo A
Also... it’s not anyone else’s business but yours? You cope with loss differently than others do. I think by naming and facing it-- and using humour as a tool to ease into the topic-- we bring light to what pain was there, and can empathise. Just my opinion though. 💖
Thank you! I agree! xoxo A
I completely agree with your line of thinking. I think what gets lost in these discussions is that, once we put ourselves out there, we become public figures somewhat, and we are open to all that comes with it. There will always be harsh and wrong takes that have zero to do with you. We either get defensive, or we use that same humor to deflect. Or, we just ignore it. There are millions of opinions, but there is only one truth - yours. Just keep speaking your truth. All you can do. The rest will eventually fall away.
Super true about the risk of publicly sharing! luckily it has been worth it so far for me--even with the inevitable downsides! xoxo A
It's your life, you should be able to joke about what you want. Humor is sometimes the best coping mechanism to dealing with trauma.
I’m so glad you wrote about this. While I’m sure anyone reading this knows more about you than those who made the ignorant comments on your Instagram post, rather than let it break you down, you used it as an opportunity to expand on how using humor in your relationships works for you (which is all that matters after all). I admire this so much about you. I also have mental health issues and past trauma and humor has been vital in dealing with it and have been criticized many times for it.
I saw that post on IG and, like basically everything you post, I related to it all too well. You always have a way of making me feel seen, that I’m not the “only one”. I planned to comment with just that until I happened to see what others said. I can’t say I was surprised (sadly), but that sense of connection and relatability I’d felt moments earlier began to shift to disappointment. I still commented, but rather than it being about your post, it was in regards to those comments. Am I glad I spoke up? Of course, even more so as I’ve been actively working on being open about how I feel and speaking up, especially when it involves things like mental health (even if it may “rock the boat”). What upset me was that in the process, I lost sight of why I wanted to say something in the first place. Now that I have the opportunity again I wont pass up the chance to say what I wanted to then (and have for a long time). Thank you for your vulnerability, for helping me feel seen.
This is so unbelievably kind and wonderful to read! Knowing my work can help in this way makes all the other hard parts more than worth it. Thank you so much for your support--it means more than you know <3 A
"Humor doesn’t erase our hurt, but it does prove that hurt doesn’t have to be all we feel." I really love how this is worded.
In 2021, my friend's partner died tragically and then 3 months later, my partner left me 2 days before our wedding. My friend and I have dealt with our grief by making each other laugh (with crying in between of course). Knowing that it relieves the deep hurt, even if just for a brief few seconds, makes it worth it. Trying to keep a positive / comical view on what has happened in your own life couldn't be more important and when people you love are trying to do the same for you, it can deepen your bond in ways you weren't expecting.
Yes! Thank you so much for sharing this perspective and experience. I'm so glad you've found a partner in laughter and healing xox A
I really dislike it when people who know close to nothing about you dictate how you should live your life and make you feel terrible about it. Is sympathize with you on that.
It is a strange instinct but I'm learning how to not let it bother me as much! xoxo A
Thank you! We still have a weekly podcast if you want to check it out! https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/just-between-us/