SIGNS I’M NOT DOING WELL (MENTALLY)

TW: Self-Harm

One of the benefits of having struggled with my mental health for pretty much my entire life is that I have gotten good at noticing when I am on the decline. And recognizing this shift is important because it means I can try to intervene before I spiral all the way down. Stepping in before things become unmanageable is a huge part of getting better at caring for yourself.

Even though everyone’s symptoms present differently, I figured I’d share some of my signals in case anyone else can relate. So, without further ado, here are some ways I know I might be on the brink of mental collapse (or at least a big cry):

LOW TO NONEXISTENT FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE

When I’m doing well mentally, I can let the little things go. If someone cuts me off in traffic I think, “Oh well, we can’t all be good drivers!” Or if I can’t get my printer to work, I remain calm instead of attempting to throw it out a window. But when my mental health is suffering, the slightest inconvenience can bring me to tears or make me want to give up on both the task at hand and life in general.

LESS CAPACITY FOR JOY

One of my favorite things about myself is that I get easily excited. I will squeal from pleasure simply from seeing a cute dog or literally jump up and down when a friend shares good news. I don’t have that same ability to tap into joy when I’m in a low period. I’ll have the mental ability to think, “Wow, that’s great news,” but the excitement doesn’t spread into my body the way it normally does.

I DON’T WANT TO BE TOUCHED

My baseline state is somewhere in the middle when it comes to touchy-feely levels. But if I am struggling, any physical contact, even from my closest loved ones, can make me want to recoil. I can feel my body tense up and it’s like an alarm goes off shouting “You’re on edge! You’re on edge!”

ALWAYS ONE SECOND AWAY FROM CRYING

Now, I love a good cry. I think it’s a great way to process emotion and I always encourage people to let it rip when they feel so compelled. But wanting to cry becomes a warning sign to me when I find myself tearing up as soon as I talk about anything difficult or emotional. When I am mentally balanced, I have more control over when I process my emotions (e.g., not in the middle of a work meeting).

EXISTENTIAL BOREDOM

I will go through periods when I can’t even fathom how people enjoyably pass the time until they die. Questions will start to pop up in my brain like: What is the point of everything? Will I ever have fun again? Why can’t I have ONE goddamn hobby to save me from misery? This is one of my least favorite phases—for obvious reasons.

LOCKED INTO AN ANXIETY LOOP

As someone with an anxiety disorder, I am used to feeling anxiety in my body, but I know things are getting out of control when I start to feel it all the time—especially during down time. For example, if I finish an assignment for grad school, turn it in, and then still feel anxious instead of relieved, that is an indication the anxiety is getting more powerful. And it needs to be tamed.

TEMPTATION TO SELF-HARM

Since I was a little kid, I’ve had an impulse to hit or scratch myself when overwhelmed with negative emotion. As an adult, I normally don’t feel compelled to do this anymore. But on the rare occasion that I do, I know things have taken a turn and my regular coping mechanisms are no longer cutting it.

Obviously, noticing these signals isn’t enough to snap myself out of it. But it can inspire me to be extra kind to myself, ask for support and, in some cases, change my medication or restart therapy. I recently went through a tough period and instead of beating myself up about it, I talked about it openly with John and we came up with some ideas for how to lessen my stress and help me return to baseline. I also let myself cry a bunch one day to reset and asked to record my podcast remotely because I knew I wasn’t operating at full capacity.

Even as a mental health advocate, I can feel silly taking time for my mental health and not working at the same level of productivity as normal. But if I’ve learned anything it’s that the longer I take to make accommodations for my mental health, the larger the fallout. So when I start to notice any of the above, it’s (yet another) reminder that while my journey isn’t linear, I do have more tools than I used to to help myself. I just need to remember to use them. 

xoxo,

Allison

P.S. I thought it might be helpful to start incorporating prompts for all of you based off my posts! Feel free to write your answers in the comments to start a larger discussion or in a private journal. Or both!

Today’s prompt: What are some signs you aren’t doing well? How do you normally respond, and does it help?

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