(SOME OF THE) THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY MOM

This past Thursday my mom was officially diagnosed with Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease or CJD. It is the one diagnosis we feared the most. But by the time it was confirmed we all suspected it was the culprit since there were no other options left. As my dad, sister and I gathered around the kitchen table to tell her, my mom immediately started worrying about us instead of herself. She had seen her own mother struggle with Parkinson’s and she wanted us to know that sometimes dementia can cause significant personality changes. She asked that we remember her as her true self and not whoever this awful disease turns her into.

So, in the spirit of honoring her request, I’ve compiled a list of some of things that have made her the most wonderful mother in the world:

1. She is quick to dance. While my mom refuses to dance on a dance floor, you can often find her boogeying throughout the day. These moves feature a lot of shoulder action and rather epic facial expressions.

2. Every year, for over a decade, she has written me a limerick to remind me it is about to be Groundhog Day. The tradition started because I inexplicably got upset one year that I didn’t know it was Groundhog Day. (For the life of me, I can’t remember why I even cared.) But instead of pointing out that this was a bananas response to an unimportant holiday, my brilliant mother decided to make sure that I never missed Groundhog Day again. Every limerick has blown me away. Here is the one from this February:

What if Friday is doomed with cold fog?

Will we not take out our wet dog?

But Phil has no choice--

No free will or a voice.

He's a mere publicity-shy, sad groundhog.

3. She used our nicknames for each other--Mamacita and Babycita—as our Netflix profiles. I do not know why these are our nicknames for each other, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

4. No one can roast me harder than my mom. It’s not all of the time, obviously, but every once in a while, she knows exactly how to burn the shit out of me. And I commend her for it.

5. She showed me how to be kind. I grew up watching my mother holding doors open and helping people grab out of reach items. Being aware of my environment and the people around me is ingrained in me  because of her.

6. Her excellent use of curse words. My mom has the mouth of a sailor and taught me that words are just words. There is a time and place for certain ones, obviously. Although for us, that time and place is most of the time and most of the places.

7. Not voting is not an option. My mother volunteered for the League of Women Voters for years. I can’t remember a time I didn’t care about politics because of her. While my mother has few expectations for me and my sister, being an engaged citizen who always votes is one of them.

8. She is not afraid to make a dark joke. When it started to become apparent how serious her condition is, she quoted the movie My Father The Hero and asked “I’m dying now?” in a French accent. We have been saying this quote for years and there is nothing more my mom than asking such a serious question in such a clever way.

9. Her creativity. My mom has been a fine art photographer for over 25 years. Her technical talent and point of view have consistently blown me away and I can’t imagine ever living in a home not filled with my mother’s photographs.

10. She is my first reader/editor. I can’t count the amount of writing I have sent her way throughout my career, including stuff most moms wouldn’t want to read. I’ll always remember her having to tell me that I’d misspelled “breasts.”

11. She took my OCD seriously and got me help right away. As I’ve said many times, I don’t know if I would still be around if I had been born to different parents. They always prioritized my mental health and getting me the right support and never shamed me for my illness.

12. She always shows up for me. When I hated boarding school, she would make the hour-and-a-half drive most weekends to bring me home so I wouldn’t be lonely and miserable. And when I dislocated my knee, she flew out to Los Angeles the next day to help me hobble around.

13. She is my best friend, even though her best friend is a lovely woman named Robin. I have historically called her multiple times per day, and almost every time she actually picked up.

14. She has never stopped growing or evolving. She has continued to pick up new interests and hobbies and doesn’t stay rigid in her beliefs as she learns new information. She’s proof that you never have to stay the same if you don’t want it to.

15. She told me that I can write about what is happening to her because she knows writing is what I do.

This list doesn’t even scratch the surface of what makes my mother so incredibly special. But it is the start of a record I will continue to add to as memories pop up. One of my greatest fears in all of this is that my memory won’t do a good enough job of holding onto the real her. She’s always been the one in our family who remembers everything. But maybe now—if I can at least remember to write things down—that will be my job.

xoxo,

Allison

P.S. My mom has a big photography show that is running for a few weeks in Larchmont, NY. If you’re local, please feel free to stop by! You can find more information and check out her work here!

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