One of the worst things I heard after being abandoned by my ex-fiancé was that maybe this experience would teach me something I needed to know. I understood that people were saying this with the best of intentions, but it rubbed me the wrong way because, at that stage, I had learned enough. I had already done so much work on myself both as an individual and as a partner before he walked out. I didn’t need a huge character arc at that time in my life. I just wanted some peace and stability. It also bumped up against my resistance to spin everything as a potential positive. Sometimes shitty things just happen. Our ability to thrive afterward doesn’t retroactively make the shitty thing necessary or ultimately good for us.

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