One of the worst things I heard after being abandoned by my ex-fiancé was that maybe this experience would teach me something I needed to know. I understood that people were saying this with the best of intentions, but it rubbed me the wrong way because, at that stage, I had learned enough. I had already done so much work on myself both as an individual and as a partner before he walked out. I didn’t need a huge character arc at that time in my life. I just wanted some peace and stability. It also bumped up against my resistance to spin everything as a potential positive. Sometimes shitty things just happen. Our ability to thrive afterward doesn’t retroactively make the shitty thing necessary or ultimately good for us.
This is excellent! It's so wild after events like this, how often people will try to impress their worldview on what you went through; in my experience, it seems like we all really struggle to believe and accept that bad things happen and can happen without a necessary lesson or reason.
If something terrible happens, and then years down the line you are happier than you've ever been, I don't take that as a sign that everything that happened before needed to happen in order for you to get there. And I don't think it means it was the right or the wrong decision all those years ago - I just think it means that people are resilient, and can strive to make peace and happiness within their lives, despite all the terrible things that might happen to them. And learning lessons from something, doesn't mean that you needed to learn it how and when you did - it just means you learned it!
You've helped me so much in processing the difficult things that I've been going through this year; you put into words a lot of the feelings that I've had, and it made me feel way less alone. I so appreciate your work! ♥️
It's okay to expect respect. I think you can make space in your mind that your partner could leave ,but you don't have to accept,even in your mind that they may leave in a non compassionate way. Because the truth is if you really feel in your core they are capable of that level of disrespect then your time is better spent elsewhere. To me it's the difference of giving two weeks notice vs just leaving a job. A job isn't even something you always like. A partner you sometimes love! Expect respect. Time is our most precious and fleeting resource. Spend it wisely
This is excellent! It's so wild after events like this, how often people will try to impress their worldview on what you went through; in my experience, it seems like we all really struggle to believe and accept that bad things happen and can happen without a necessary lesson or reason.
If something terrible happens, and then years down the line you are happier than you've ever been, I don't take that as a sign that everything that happened before needed to happen in order for you to get there. And I don't think it means it was the right or the wrong decision all those years ago - I just think it means that people are resilient, and can strive to make peace and happiness within their lives, despite all the terrible things that might happen to them. And learning lessons from something, doesn't mean that you needed to learn it how and when you did - it just means you learned it!
You've helped me so much in processing the difficult things that I've been going through this year; you put into words a lot of the feelings that I've had, and it made me feel way less alone. I so appreciate your work! ♥️
It's okay to expect respect. I think you can make space in your mind that your partner could leave ,but you don't have to accept,even in your mind that they may leave in a non compassionate way. Because the truth is if you really feel in your core they are capable of that level of disrespect then your time is better spent elsewhere. To me it's the difference of giving two weeks notice vs just leaving a job. A job isn't even something you always like. A partner you sometimes love! Expect respect. Time is our most precious and fleeting resource. Spend it wisely