If we are lucky enough to have a good mom who's now passed on, we will always live with a heart-shaped hole. I know you're missing your mom extra today, as so many of us are, and I hope your sweet memories of your mom will be a blessing today and always.
I’ve been following you/a supporter of Gallison for many years :)
I went through a huge, jarring breakup around the time you did and I found SO MUCH comfort through you/the way you spoke about moving through it.
Weirdly (I mean ‘weird’ timing wise, it’s similar to how things were timing wise with our relationships ending), I’ve also just lost my mom suddenly and tragically... I always really admired/envied how open and able you were to love her loudly in life. I had a harder time with this, my mom was amazing AND ALSO our relationship was complicated. I took a lot of my feelings of missing her (we lived across the world from each other) and my desire to be close to her/helped by her and turned it into frustration. It was easier for me to be mad / frustrated with her than to admit how much it hurt to be apart.
Now, of course, all of that seems so silly (AND ALSO !! Realistically, some of that frustration was justified because sometimes she did act in ways that warranted it! Hey, no one’s perfect 😅 but she was the perfect mom to me)
I’ve just gotten back from releasing her ashes into the ocean and I’m not quite ready to read this piece yet… But I KNOW I will find immense comfort (and grief and longing and joy!) from you and your work, as I did before when we were going through hugely difficult times.
Just have been thinking a lot about you and your mom the past couple of days. And wanted to come say thank you to you both.
Thank you in advance for your words, for being so vulnerable and open, for sharing Ruth with us, and for not hiding/shying away from the grief of being alive in your work. Thank you to Ruth for Allison !! 😆🥰
Don’t know you personally but I have a lot of love for you :) and hope you know how much good you’re putting out into the world through the grief 💙
Thank you so much for this wonderfully rich message. The piece will be here whenever you're ready and I hope you're able to be extra kind to yourself. Grief is always complicated but knowing my relationship with my mom will continue even if she is gone has been so helpful for me to lean into. Sending you all the love and may her memory be a blessing <3
Oh wow, I hadn’t thought about it in that way - that my relationship with my mom will continue (even though it very much already has!) Thank you for that (and for taking the time to respond 🥰)
Oh, one last random thing I’d love to share! I’m a performer/actor and while it’s *slightly* different from your work, you also share yourself with the world so… My mom said that every time I walk on stage, I should look at the audience and think: YOU ARE SO DAMN LUCKY TO BE SEEING ME RIGHT NOW! 😊
I’ve felt so damn lucky to be seeing you / your work! Hope you get to feel as confident as my mom hopes we are 💪🥰
I’m struggling with a lot of these as well. Recently, a doctor recommended me a medication and I’m freaking out about not having my mom’s opinion on if I should take it or not. My codependency on her input in order for me to be able to make a decision is so difficult to navigate without her. Sending you lots of love as mother’s day approaches, Allison 💗
The way you have said that you will become a person your mom has never met, hurts. Hurts because I can relate to it. I lost my mother in my late teen years, so that was pretty bad. I had to graduate without her being there, pursued a career which she might have been glad to know. What hurts me is that she won't be able to experience various milestones of my and her life which could have been so great. I love the way you have jotted down your feelings.❤️
I posted on your blog a few weeks ago that my dad got a serious, life-threatening diagnosis.I lost my dad today. Having watched you going through the grieving process is already helping me with mine. I'm sorry for us both but we will get through it, as horrible as it is.
I saved this in my inbox to come back to on Mother's Day. I'm thinking of you and Ruth today, and I'm thinking of my mom, too. For me, I've found the build-up to Mother's Day to be harder than the day itself. Getting spam emails from a million different companies year after year with subject lines like "don't forget about mom this mother's day!" and "show mom just how much you care with a special mother's day gift from us!" in the month leading up to the holiday felt like weird, cruel taunts. Like the Universe was saying "don't forget, even for one nanosecond, that your mother is dead!" (As if I ever could.)
Seeing all the instagram stories and social media posts of my friends and their still-alive Moms feels cruel in it's own way, too. And then other times, it all feels absurdly funny in some twisted way. Sometimes I want to comment on posts of my friends smiling with their Mothers with "brag much?!", but I know most people wouldn't laugh or get the joke. Half of me wants everyone to pay attention to me and acknowledge that this day just isn't fair. The other half of me would be horrified at having my pain be so nakedly seen.
I hope that you're able to spend this day telling all of your favorite stories about your Mom and celebrating the amazing woman that she was. <3
This is beautiful, thanks for sharing. Although my mom is still here, I relate to a lot of this because much of her is already gone (Alzheimer's). Sending hugs!
If we are lucky enough to have a good mom who's now passed on, we will always live with a heart-shaped hole. I know you're missing your mom extra today, as so many of us are, and I hope your sweet memories of your mom will be a blessing today and always.
Thank you so much, Leslie. Sending you love as we get through today <3
Hey Allison,
I’ve been following you/a supporter of Gallison for many years :)
I went through a huge, jarring breakup around the time you did and I found SO MUCH comfort through you/the way you spoke about moving through it.
Weirdly (I mean ‘weird’ timing wise, it’s similar to how things were timing wise with our relationships ending), I’ve also just lost my mom suddenly and tragically... I always really admired/envied how open and able you were to love her loudly in life. I had a harder time with this, my mom was amazing AND ALSO our relationship was complicated. I took a lot of my feelings of missing her (we lived across the world from each other) and my desire to be close to her/helped by her and turned it into frustration. It was easier for me to be mad / frustrated with her than to admit how much it hurt to be apart.
Now, of course, all of that seems so silly (AND ALSO !! Realistically, some of that frustration was justified because sometimes she did act in ways that warranted it! Hey, no one’s perfect 😅 but she was the perfect mom to me)
I’ve just gotten back from releasing her ashes into the ocean and I’m not quite ready to read this piece yet… But I KNOW I will find immense comfort (and grief and longing and joy!) from you and your work, as I did before when we were going through hugely difficult times.
Just have been thinking a lot about you and your mom the past couple of days. And wanted to come say thank you to you both.
Thank you in advance for your words, for being so vulnerable and open, for sharing Ruth with us, and for not hiding/shying away from the grief of being alive in your work. Thank you to Ruth for Allison !! 😆🥰
Don’t know you personally but I have a lot of love for you :) and hope you know how much good you’re putting out into the world through the grief 💙
Thank you so much for this wonderfully rich message. The piece will be here whenever you're ready and I hope you're able to be extra kind to yourself. Grief is always complicated but knowing my relationship with my mom will continue even if she is gone has been so helpful for me to lean into. Sending you all the love and may her memory be a blessing <3
Oh wow, I hadn’t thought about it in that way - that my relationship with my mom will continue (even though it very much already has!) Thank you for that (and for taking the time to respond 🥰)
Oh, one last random thing I’d love to share! I’m a performer/actor and while it’s *slightly* different from your work, you also share yourself with the world so… My mom said that every time I walk on stage, I should look at the audience and think: YOU ARE SO DAMN LUCKY TO BE SEEING ME RIGHT NOW! 😊
I’ve felt so damn lucky to be seeing you / your work! Hope you get to feel as confident as my mom hopes we are 💪🥰
Oh what a beautiful piece of writing. Cried reading it. Your ability to verbalise and share your grief is very special
This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing your grief with the world.
I’m struggling with a lot of these as well. Recently, a doctor recommended me a medication and I’m freaking out about not having my mom’s opinion on if I should take it or not. My codependency on her input in order for me to be able to make a decision is so difficult to navigate without her. Sending you lots of love as mother’s day approaches, Allison 💗
Long time reader, first time commenter. This is a gorgeous tribute to a very missed, wonderful woman.
I'm so lucky to be your husband.
It's the memories that we didn't get to make that we regret the most.
Having lost my mother six years ago when I was 34, I relate to so much of this. Keep your head up…it does get easier…
The way you have said that you will become a person your mom has never met, hurts. Hurts because I can relate to it. I lost my mother in my late teen years, so that was pretty bad. I had to graduate without her being there, pursued a career which she might have been glad to know. What hurts me is that she won't be able to experience various milestones of my and her life which could have been so great. I love the way you have jotted down your feelings.❤️
I relate to a lot of these even though my mother is alive but not the mother I would have loved to have had.
I’m not saying ‘count your blessings’ more that there are probably more people who feel like this even if their parents are alive
This was beautiful and heartbreaking 💔
I posted on your blog a few weeks ago that my dad got a serious, life-threatening diagnosis.I lost my dad today. Having watched you going through the grieving process is already helping me with mine. I'm sorry for us both but we will get through it, as horrible as it is.
I saved this in my inbox to come back to on Mother's Day. I'm thinking of you and Ruth today, and I'm thinking of my mom, too. For me, I've found the build-up to Mother's Day to be harder than the day itself. Getting spam emails from a million different companies year after year with subject lines like "don't forget about mom this mother's day!" and "show mom just how much you care with a special mother's day gift from us!" in the month leading up to the holiday felt like weird, cruel taunts. Like the Universe was saying "don't forget, even for one nanosecond, that your mother is dead!" (As if I ever could.)
Seeing all the instagram stories and social media posts of my friends and their still-alive Moms feels cruel in it's own way, too. And then other times, it all feels absurdly funny in some twisted way. Sometimes I want to comment on posts of my friends smiling with their Mothers with "brag much?!", but I know most people wouldn't laugh or get the joke. Half of me wants everyone to pay attention to me and acknowledge that this day just isn't fair. The other half of me would be horrified at having my pain be so nakedly seen.
I hope that you're able to spend this day telling all of your favorite stories about your Mom and celebrating the amazing woman that she was. <3
This is beautiful, thanks for sharing. Although my mom is still here, I relate to a lot of this because much of her is already gone (Alzheimer's). Sending hugs!
This felt so cathartic & so loving. Thank you for writing it, Allison.
so sorry for your tremendous loss. wish your mother was able to read this.