THINGS I DON’T CARE ABOUT (ANYMORE)

It used to be harder for me to exist. I felt out of place constantly and I worried about so many different (and ultimately unimportant) things. One of the beautiful parts of getting older has been releasing myself from caring about—or caring too much about—parts of my life that only matter if I let them. There are certain things that will always require my time and attention like my family, my friends and my own well-being. But there are plenty more things that don’t. And I’ve learned that focusing on them anyway was a waste of my time and caused me unnecessary agitation. Releasing them from my focus has given me less stress and made it easier for me to move through the world. It’s also made me realize that sometimes we don’t just need to think about what’s important, we also need to recognize what’s not important.

Here are some aspects of my life, I don’t prioritize anymore.

(SOME) PEOPLE’S OPINIONS ABOUT ME

My personality and point of view have changed a lot over the years. While this has been great for me and the people still in my life, there remain a lot of people who knew only a younger version of me. And that version was easy to dislike. In the past, I might have felt compelled to try to show them I have changed. Or worried that them not liking me means I am inherently unlikable. Now I have come to a place of peace where I know it’s 1) impossible to be liked by everyone and 2) it’s not at all necessary to be liked by everyone. As long as I have good people around me and I like myself, other people’s opinions are more their business than mine.

BODY HAIR

I spent most of my adolescence and young adulthood terrified that someone would feel my prickly arm hair as it grew back in despite shaving my arms every day. I still shave my arms every day, but I no longer worry that my unsmooth skin will have radical repercussions. No one is waiting in the wings ready to declare I am gross or unappealing because I got goosebumps and the hair grew back. I’ve finally learned that bodies are not disgusting. Therefore, I am not disgusting.

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO

Look, I still love to gossip, and I am as nosey as ever. But one thing that has waned is my instinct to judge other people for their choices. It really doesn’t concern me what other people wear or how they choose to live their lives so long as it’s not actively hurting anyone. What works for me isn’t going to work for everyone, so I have released myself from the pressure to try to show people the light or change what isn’t broken. I am only responsible for myself.

STOMACH PROBLEMS

I used to think I could never live with another person because of my stomach issues. The idea of even talking about them with a romantic partner was beyond my comprehension. It caused me so much anxiety/shame. Now, I basically won’t stop talking about them and my partner comes to the gastroenterologist with me! I no longer constantly run into another room or make up excuses for why I have to go to the bathroom. I just let my body do what my body needs to do and the RELIEF I feel is exquisite. (Even if all the gas is still annoying!)

BEING A “GOOD” PERSON

This one is still a work in progress, but I used to worry so much about whether or not I was “good.” I felt immense guilt for not doing more or being better. Now I let myself live in the gray. Am I my best self all the time? Certainty not! But I have figured out my own moral code and I try to abide by it. This means I no longer hold myself to unrealistic standards where if I (inevitably) mess up I am a horrible person. Now I focus on “doing my best” while allowing space for that to change day to day based on what I have to give.

MY AGE

It is easy to feel like you have missed the boat or are constantly behind in an age-centric society. But lately, I have been working to release myself from any pressure surrounding my age. I have no idea what is to come in my life so there is no point in feeding myself false messages that I am “too old” for certain successes to come my way. Thinking the best is behind me is not an appealing way to live. Plus, I can finally start dressing like the older woman I was always meant to be!

BEING “COOL”

I, thankfully, gave up on this concept a long time ago. I am not someone who has the best taste in clothes or interior design. I don’t like to go out and party or network. Learning to accept and embrace this part of me instead of hoping it would change has been a lovely shift. There are plenty of people out there who set trends and know all the right people. I don’t have to be one of them in order to be successful or enjoy my life.

MY BROKEN ENGAGEMENT

Obviously, I still care that this traumatic thing happened to me, but I no longer judge myself for it. I don’t worry that it will happen again or that I am damaged goods. I’m not thrown by people commenting that I got engaged again too quickly or that my current partner will surely leave me too. When I look back on that time in my life, I am mostly just blown away by my ability to heal and move forward despite what happened. (Pretty cool!!)

As I continue to grow, I hope I can add more and more to my “don’t care” list. My next big goal, which I’ve written about before, is to no longer worry so much about social media engagement. I’ve already made some strides in that area--by decreasing how often I feel I need to post and making the mental shift to seeing myself as a writer first and a content creator second--but there is still a lot of work that needs to be done before it officially switches over.

Regardless of how quickly or often I add to this list, the fact it exists at all has freed up so much space in my brain. By caring less about certain things, I am not only able to care more about the important stuff, but I’m also able to have more moments of joy and contentment because my mind isn’t in overdrive.

All of this leads me to wonder, what’s on your list?

xoxo,

Allison