WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE DON’T KNOW

The Art of Rethinking

I recently started listening to Adam Grant’s book, Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know. Grant is an organizational psychologist who teaches at Wharton and has a nice voice for audio. So far it hasn’t been a book that’s completely upended how I view they world—considering I have a master’s in psychology and talk to mental health professionals all the time—but I actually think that is a good thing. Instead of completely challenging my current perspective, it has reinforced a lot of the ideas that I have been circling for the last few years. And it’s made me feel more comfortable taking the leap to fully embracing them.

As you can probably tell by the title, the main premise is to learn how to challenge your thoughts/beliefs/assumptions and start to embrace being wrong. While this might sound easy peasy in theory, our brains are wired to protect us from experiencing blows to our egos. That’s why so many people get defensive if questioned or double down when presented with evidence that contradicts their beliefs. If you view being wrong about something as a challenge to you’re intelligence, admitting your wrong is both painful and momentous. It can shake you up and ruin your day/life.

But, if we can change what it means to be wrong, it suddenly doesn’t become so scary. Grant proves again and again that it is actually a strength and sign of intelligence to be in the habit of changing your mind. Having an adaptable and flexible mindset can make us “right” more in the long term even if we have to admit we are “wrong” a bunch in the short term. It reminds me of my neuroscience professor who warned us to be afraid of anyone who is certain about anything.

Getting in the habit of rethinking doesn’t mean we have to assume we know nothing. Instead, Grant encourages his readers (and now my readers) to strive for confident humility. Grant explains that “Confident humility is being secure enough in your expertise and strengths to admit your ignorance and weaknesses.” I love this concept and have already started using it in my own life. For example, I have never written a romantic comedy novel before, and I just got a big round of notes from my editor. One of those notes was a suggestion to completely change the ending. An ending that I have had in mind since I first conceived the original concept years ago…

At first, my instinct was to dismiss this idea and stick to what I’d always envisioned. But then I heard Grant’s pleasing voice in my head encouraging me to, you guessed it, think again. Isn’t it likely that my editor, who works on rom com books for a living, has a better grasp of how these stories work than me? And shouldn’t I see her suggestion as an opportunity to improve my work instead of viewing it as a threat to my abilities as a writer? (This is all the humility part.)

Once I accepted this, though, my anxiety started to kick in because it would mean some major changes and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to pull it off. That’s when I had to lean on my experience as a writer and trust that even if I don’t know how to take all her notes today, I will likely figure it out along the way. (That’s the confidence part.)

So that is the approach I am hoping to take for the next two months as I do a major rewrite. I will try to remain confident that I am good enough to take her suggestions while remaining humble enough to view her suggestions as a gift instead of a burden. (Okay, I will probably view some of them as a burden because it is really annoying to have to rewrite so much, but you get what I mean.) And having the clear phrase “confident humility” in my mind will hopefully make all of that easier rather than clinging to some vague notion about being good at taking notes that I can’t totally define.

Obviously, there are going to be some areas in our lives that are easier to admit we are wrong about than others. I am still a long way from completely rethinking my politics or opinions about MAGA voters. But I do feel more open to shifting my opinions on certain issues and/or people as I learn more. It’s a reminder to not just look to the establishment for the “right” belief, but instead give yourself permission to think for yourself--even though we live in a series of echo chambers where this kind of thinking isn’t encouraged.

Somewhat surprisingly, this book has also encouraged me to think less. I used to feel compelled to have a strong opinion about everything. But now that I am more open to the idea of rethinking, it no longer feels as necessary to have a firm perspective from the beginning if I am probably going to end up changing it later anyway. That said, there is a new type of discomfort that comes from hearing something and letting yourself go, “Well, I have no idea who is right or what to think.” But I think this is a better and more productive version of discomfort than the kind that comes from holding onto a belief even though, deep down, you suspect you might be wrong.

Confident humility also ties into the idea that while you might not know how to do something right now, you have enough trust in yourself that you can learn how to do it. I think this framing can be really helpful whenever we start to feel imposter syndrome creeping up. If you begin to have thoughts that you are an imposter who is completely unqualified for your current position or task, let that be a signal that you might have more to learn—not that you are totally incompetent. Remember that being open to learning is a sign of strength, not weakness. Be proud that you aren’t arrogant enough to assume you already know everything there is to know.

The truth is, we aren’t always innately ready for what is ahead of us, but we can get ready. And, hopefully, we can adapt, rethink, and challenge ourselves along the way. At least that’s what I’m going to try to do as I rewrite this damn book.

xoxo,

Allison 

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