What a beautiful hard conversation. Thank you for sharing it! 🩵
It’s funny, many people don’t get what they want but I think there are even more of us that aren’t really sure what they want. 😂 I haven’t ever been good enough as one specific thing to feel like I had a calling unless you call being a good friend a calling. I envy yall in some ways, but I think my inherent indifference is also more usefully called flexibilty. I’m open to any option that could be a good enough time.
Not to be parasocial or something, but this is eerily similar to my situation, Allison!
My fiancé and I are both writers with me branching out from plays to prose to workshops and him waiting to hear back from screenwriting agencies. I would never want him to feel like I expect him to give up something he has wanted his whole life. And he's also just a brilliant writer so it's not like I don't believe in him. But finances - well, they are a real thing. And I'm not so sure if I trust the industry's process as much as I trust my fiancé's creative process. It is sometimes conflicting with my own work as well. Yes, I can live (or survive) in a creative job. But was this what I envisioned for myself? Sometimes, exhaustion takes the place where my ambition used to sit.
Thank you so much for sharing.
P.S.: I also read "Save the Date" last week and it's magnificent.
I really relate! I decided to pursue an academic career, and was devastated when I didn’t get into a PhD program during my first admission cycle. I eventually had to decide that I could be happy without it. I tried again and kept my expectations as low as possible. While I ultimately did get admitted the second time around, my shift in mindset has been really helpful throughout my studies. I do my best, and I’m grateful to be here, but I know that I’ll be ok if it goes away tomorrow. I’ll be upset, but I’ll recover. There are more important things to me, and I don’t think that was necessarily true in my 20s.
Off topic, but I cannot believe that the CIA thing wasn’t a joke? I saw that in the podcast description and I was like, this is clearly a bit they’re doing, but apparently not!! How wild, and a very good hook for the podcast!
A beautiful example of boundary setting in this post! A boundary is not about controlling someone else, as many people think, but about changing how you respond. Thank you for sharing.
Really needed this right now. My husband recently quit his fairly financially stable career as it was making him deeply unhappy. This is obviously a good thing in some ways but right now I feel like we're floundering a bit as he works a minimum wage job while he figures out what he wants to do next (I'm financially dependent on him as I cannot work myself). It's led me to reevaluate what I want in my life, what needs to change and what may never change. It's a hard time for me but I know when I come out the other side, things will be better.
That's such a difficult thing to tackle, and was very useful to hear and think about with my own marriage. I hope John someday is able to build a career where he feels like he's able to be his fullest self.
I love this. I tried getting my novel published for a long time and had to grapple with many of these same identity questions in the process. Like, what if it just…didn’t happen? I’m lucky that it did, but the threat that it wouldn’t hung over my head for many, many, years.
I hope that John can find happiness and fulfillment in his new non-creative career. It’s so tough.
Thank you for being so vulnerable! It’s nice to see that others live a very real life where relationships and job prospects come under question. I’m overwhelmed by the idyllic marriages and careers I see in media where it seems like everyone has hit the jackpot except me!
Thank you for sharing this. Being in an artistic field of any kind can be so painfully difficult, especially when there are other things you want out of life, too. Finding the balance and the solutions has been one of the main struggles of my 20s (I recognize the privilege of that statement!)
This is really great! As a fellow creative I feel this a lot. I did actually try and get a ‘normal’ job once and a) I was not good at it and b) not getting to be creative was really bad for my mental health. I, like you, do now wear a bunch of different hats that vaguely coalesce as ‘theatre maker’. I am in a different position to you in that I don't want to get married or have kids, which gives me more freedom to pursue this mercurial career!
What a beautiful hard conversation. Thank you for sharing it! 🩵
It’s funny, many people don’t get what they want but I think there are even more of us that aren’t really sure what they want. 😂 I haven’t ever been good enough as one specific thing to feel like I had a calling unless you call being a good friend a calling. I envy yall in some ways, but I think my inherent indifference is also more usefully called flexibilty. I’m open to any option that could be a good enough time.
Not to be parasocial or something, but this is eerily similar to my situation, Allison!
My fiancé and I are both writers with me branching out from plays to prose to workshops and him waiting to hear back from screenwriting agencies. I would never want him to feel like I expect him to give up something he has wanted his whole life. And he's also just a brilliant writer so it's not like I don't believe in him. But finances - well, they are a real thing. And I'm not so sure if I trust the industry's process as much as I trust my fiancé's creative process. It is sometimes conflicting with my own work as well. Yes, I can live (or survive) in a creative job. But was this what I envisioned for myself? Sometimes, exhaustion takes the place where my ambition used to sit.
Thank you so much for sharing.
P.S.: I also read "Save the Date" last week and it's magnificent.
I really relate! I decided to pursue an academic career, and was devastated when I didn’t get into a PhD program during my first admission cycle. I eventually had to decide that I could be happy without it. I tried again and kept my expectations as low as possible. While I ultimately did get admitted the second time around, my shift in mindset has been really helpful throughout my studies. I do my best, and I’m grateful to be here, but I know that I’ll be ok if it goes away tomorrow. I’ll be upset, but I’ll recover. There are more important things to me, and I don’t think that was necessarily true in my 20s.
Off topic, but I cannot believe that the CIA thing wasn’t a joke? I saw that in the podcast description and I was like, this is clearly a bit they’re doing, but apparently not!! How wild, and a very good hook for the podcast!
Also, thanks for sharing this insightful post.
John was a spy??? This is straight out of a Hypothetical!!!
A beautiful example of boundary setting in this post! A boundary is not about controlling someone else, as many people think, but about changing how you respond. Thank you for sharing.
Really needed this right now. My husband recently quit his fairly financially stable career as it was making him deeply unhappy. This is obviously a good thing in some ways but right now I feel like we're floundering a bit as he works a minimum wage job while he figures out what he wants to do next (I'm financially dependent on him as I cannot work myself). It's led me to reevaluate what I want in my life, what needs to change and what may never change. It's a hard time for me but I know when I come out the other side, things will be better.
That's such a difficult thing to tackle, and was very useful to hear and think about with my own marriage. I hope John someday is able to build a career where he feels like he's able to be his fullest self.
I love this. I tried getting my novel published for a long time and had to grapple with many of these same identity questions in the process. Like, what if it just…didn’t happen? I’m lucky that it did, but the threat that it wouldn’t hung over my head for many, many, years.
I hope that John can find happiness and fulfillment in his new non-creative career. It’s so tough.
Top tier essay
"Juggling all this, along with the disappointment of never being as successful or secure as I want to be, is exhausting."
Thank you for being vulnerable and showing us how to be so with such strength and clarity.
What kind of research will John be doing?
Thank you for being so vulnerable! It’s nice to see that others live a very real life where relationships and job prospects come under question. I’m overwhelmed by the idyllic marriages and careers I see in media where it seems like everyone has hit the jackpot except me!
Thank you for sharing this. Being in an artistic field of any kind can be so painfully difficult, especially when there are other things you want out of life, too. Finding the balance and the solutions has been one of the main struggles of my 20s (I recognize the privilege of that statement!)
I just love your writing style Allison! You’re an amazing story teller and I admire your work so much. Thank you for sharing!
This is really great! As a fellow creative I feel this a lot. I did actually try and get a ‘normal’ job once and a) I was not good at it and b) not getting to be creative was really bad for my mental health. I, like you, do now wear a bunch of different hats that vaguely coalesce as ‘theatre maker’. I am in a different position to you in that I don't want to get married or have kids, which gives me more freedom to pursue this mercurial career!