Most of you have probably heard the adage, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” It’s a common concept used in both support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and in everyday society. And on its face, it makes a lot of sense. Some things we can change, some things we can’t. With enough self-awareness, we will instinctively know the difference. For a long time, I thought this was a great way to approach life. But now I wonder if it’s time for me to have a different method when it comes to picking what I want to work on and what I want to accept.
WOW. I definitely needed to read this one. My anxiety causes me to way overthink my amazing relationship. I love him so much that I want to be a “perfect” partner bc that’s what my brain tells me he deserves. Some days I start listing all of the habits I “need” to start and things I “need” to stop doing - my boyfriend is supportive, but often tells me it’s not a big deal if I don’t make all those changes right away (if at all). He’s giving me the grace I struggle to give myself. If me falling asleep on the couch at 9pm isn’t bothering him then maybe I just need to accept that I’m a sleepy person lol. Maybe that will change someday, maybe it won’t. But it seems like I will be okay in the meantime.
“Why do I need to get an A when an A- is already bringing me a wonderful life and relationship?”
This part really hit me hard. I was an academic achiever out of necessity to try to get into college and to appease my parents, and it eventually led to burnout and me dropping out of college even with a full tuition scholarship. I was always held to the standard that I could somehow do better than an A-, and I would ask my parents, why is that necessary? Who does that really help? It’s been a long process since then to continue unlearning that kind of arbitrary standard that I hold myself accountable to in so many aspects of my life, and there’s a lot to unpack along the way. But I’m working on it at least, and that’s something I do feel like changing to result in a happier and more comfortable “me.”
xoxo! (p.s: every time i see xoxo i think of the go piss girl meme haha)
ACCEPT THIS, CHANGE THAT (OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?)
WOW. I definitely needed to read this one. My anxiety causes me to way overthink my amazing relationship. I love him so much that I want to be a “perfect” partner bc that’s what my brain tells me he deserves. Some days I start listing all of the habits I “need” to start and things I “need” to stop doing - my boyfriend is supportive, but often tells me it’s not a big deal if I don’t make all those changes right away (if at all). He’s giving me the grace I struggle to give myself. If me falling asleep on the couch at 9pm isn’t bothering him then maybe I just need to accept that I’m a sleepy person lol. Maybe that will change someday, maybe it won’t. But it seems like I will be okay in the meantime.
Thanks again for the post!
“Why do I need to get an A when an A- is already bringing me a wonderful life and relationship?”
This part really hit me hard. I was an academic achiever out of necessity to try to get into college and to appease my parents, and it eventually led to burnout and me dropping out of college even with a full tuition scholarship. I was always held to the standard that I could somehow do better than an A-, and I would ask my parents, why is that necessary? Who does that really help? It’s been a long process since then to continue unlearning that kind of arbitrary standard that I hold myself accountable to in so many aspects of my life, and there’s a lot to unpack along the way. But I’m working on it at least, and that’s something I do feel like changing to result in a happier and more comfortable “me.”
xoxo! (p.s: every time i see xoxo i think of the go piss girl meme haha)