Thank you so much. This is the first thing I have read that actually helped me and made me feel a little less terrified and betrayed. I appreciate your perspective.
I think it may also be worth looking at the concerns and fears of those who voted for trump have, to hear their fears and concerns without hand waving them to the side.
To hear their actual thoughts and feelings and not rely on the worst interpretation possible.
It is not only what other people need to do in order for me to feel safe, it is also important to ask what do I need to do in order to humanize people I don’t understand and if I shamed and rejected them based on who they voted for. Maybe I need to extend the olive branch and come to the conversation ready to listen.
Thank you so much for this, Allison. I think you’re exactly right. At the same time, I understand and support queer & POC people who just cannot continue to have ties with Trump voters; they have even more reason to be afraid of discrimination and harassment in their daily lives now, though I hate to say it. So, for those of us who are not queer and/or POC, I think it’s important to check on those friends and offer support. For other relatively privileged white folks (like myself), I think we have the responsibility of continuing to engage with Trump voters we may have in our lives and try to find productive ways to help them understand why we are concerned about this administration, as well some basic understanding of economics and misinfo. :/
Sometimes I worry that white liberals feel they must cut ties with any conservative family members friends to show their solidarity with POC and/or queer people. I’m not sure if it always really has to do with showing solidarity so much as ridding them of their shame of being attached to such conservative people. That doesn’t really help anyone except themselves. I think you are right “If we are going to salvage what has become of America, we need to do a better job of reconnecting with the second part of his supporters”. It has done no good simply deciding that Trump supporters are bad and liberals are good (never mind the fact that many liberals are not inquisitive enough to the dissect problems within the Democratic Party). Many Trump supporters once voted for Obama. They have now voted for trump thinking that he will save the economy. But they have only been deceived and will feel sorry once they realize it.
I love your optimism but I don’t share it. If Trump supporters were interested these kinds of nuanced conversations, they would have already had them. They are angry and want change and—you are right— feel like they will get that in a Trump presidency.
Yes, I am really skeptical that conversations with Trump supporters will do much. Strong men leaders are unfortunately popular all over the globe. Also, if you ask Trump voters why they voted, their answers are often incoherent. They can barely explain it themselves.
This is not a comment about you specifically, but I find that a lot of the people who say this have not actually had many (offline) conversations with Trump voters. I’m a queer progressive from a purple state and a purple family. Some of the conservatives in my life are never Trumpers and some of them are Trump voters (though none of them are fanatical — I would admittedly find that harder to deal with). I strongly disagree with their cost benefit analysis and some of their values, but I also know many of them to be intelligent people capable of kindness and generosity and human connection. They feel the same way about me. I don’t think we get out of this terrible information ecosystem and hateful, reactive political culture by continuing to reduce and essentialize and disconnect from one another.
I have family members who voted for Trump. They voted for him because they "want cheaper stuff" or they just like his attitude. My grandfather had a great pension from a union job and is also anti-union (for other people). A lot of people's opinions don't make sense. They can believe whatever they want about Trump, but I don't get it.
It is exhausting having to be the bigger person in this situation. I understand her view and maybe with more time, I will share it. But right now, I find it infantilizing having to justify why I don’t want my rights as a woman taken away nor do I want to demonize minorities, etc. Also the name calling, sexist, and racist rhetoric common among his supporters makes it especially difficult to reach some sort of meaningful conclusion. Again, maybe with time and space away from this, I can come around to a place of greater understanding. But today, this moment, the cuts are too fresh.
I needed this. My parents (and their current partners) who I love dearly have now voted for this mad man 3 times and with each time I wonder how do I continue this relationship. Obviously it was easier when we won. Harder because he seems worse and worse and how could they do it again? But this helps open my mind to the conversations to move forward.
I'm glad you can find some hope in this Allison, but unfortunately this election has made me very cynical. I feel like there are too many fundamental differences between myself and trump supporters. I can intellectually understand that inflation and the current economy has played a big role, but I simply can't understand those that put those things above our fundamental rights. I know you said that many people don't believe he'll put many of promises into action, but I just can't see what leads them to even take that chance. I don't care if my eggs are $1, if it drastically increases the chances I'll die from a miscarriage.
This is helpful. I struggle with relatives and dear friends who have voted for Trump, twice. Right now most of them just do not want to talk about their choice and his leadership.
I think it’s also challenging because most of these people are voting for the economy because they believe that it’s going to help. Voting for your wallet means buying into the flawed, violent system of empire. How can we expect to thrive, let alone survive, amidst a violent regime, including those who perpetuate and platform them by voting that direction?
Yes to all of this, this was such a good read after election, thank you for sharing your reframing with us!
AND I think it is worth noting that the amount of people who actually voted for trump is almost the same (a bit less) than people who voted for him in 2016 and 2020, so this feeling of swaths of people suddenly flipping to the „bad side“ isn’t actually true, it’s not that the majority of people are suddenly Trumpers while the amount of reasonable people has gone down. It’s just that the Trumpers were more compelled to show up to the polls… I’m not American but seeing the actual number of votes assured me that this isn’t some gigantic and surprising shift in opinions, it’s just the same people as always showing up and voting how they did.
I grew up in a white evangelical church and culture; most of my extended family are Trump supporters. I do not have the hope of having the kind of nuanced conversations with Trump supporters than Allison envisions. It's an authoritarian mindset; they are right and opponents are wrong. Opponents should be punished or even killed. They have been raised to dehumanize people on the Other Side. They see empathy as a weakness. It's a dark and ugly mindset. Having lived with it and seen how much it resists change or open-mindedness, I don't want to spend energy on changing it. Yes, to changing the media environment. But to try to have heart-to-hearts with Trump supporters....for me, the answer is a sad and resigned "nope." I wish all the best to people who want to try though.
Yes. I share your opinion. My experiences with these relatives/coworkers/neighbors is binary thinking. Many of them are in good financial positions or, on the other side of the spectrum, receiving generous government benefits. So, the economy is an issue for them, but they are primarily motivated by maintaining their white privileges and supremacy, while denying that those things even exist!! There is also a very comfortable (for them) binary thought /value system that is operating within themselves. Nuance be damned. I am civil,and kind when needed, but I'll never be close with these people.
In the spirit of the open communication you have mentioned in your post, I will say that while I have normally leaned Democrat, as a Palestinian-American I am feeling INCREDIBLY alienated by people who share your views of being terrified of Trump, implying that anything would have been better under Harris. The Biden/Harris administration have already SHOWN us that they support the Israeli genocide of Palestinians in Gaza and are ACTIVELY funding it, and Harris has outright admitted she would always defend Israel and wouldn't do anything differently than Biden did. So I could not in good conscious vote for her, though I did not vote for Trump either. To me, Harris is NOT the "lessor of two evils" and is in fact just a more well-spoken and eloquent but EQUAL EVIL. There was no way in hell I would vote for her, and I am tired of our two-party system so I voted for a pro-Palestine 3rd party.
While I don't think I need to justify my decision to vote 3rd party, I will add that I live in a VERY BLUE state so it frankly did not matter, and while I care about progressive views such as women's rights, etc., I also believe some issues require to be prioritized, such as LITERAL GENOCIDE. For people who condescendingly say that Trump will be "worse" for Gaza than Harris: there is nothing worse than literal genocide, period.
Once again, while I did not vote for Trump and did not even want him to win, I equally did not want Harris to win either, and I frankly believe I would have felt MORE alienated if Harris won if I had to see people parading "the victory" of our first female president, or for "beating" Trump, as though that would be a good thing, when this administration is enabling genocide/ apartheid/ colonialism. Similarly, people who say that Harris isn't that great and we'd continue to rally under her but she'd be a better starting point than Trump: she's ALREADY in the administration and I see no action, and I see that Democrats take a break and go to brunch and consider themselves safe when a Democrat is in office, so I hope we (myself included!) actually rally and fight against Trump's hurtful policies when he is in office, as it seems that Democrats are more willing to rally against a Republican in office.
It is BAFFLING to me that Democrats analyzing why or how Trump won don't even CONSIDER that Harris's pro-Israeli/pro-genocide stance is a huge point against her, when this is a massive, on-going issue and not a sideline issue at all. We are actively funding this with our tax dollars instead of funding local issues that are in need of our attention here in the US. Americans should be significantly more outraged about this and I am feeling so incredibly alienated by this blatant and acceptable racism by the Democrats.
As a woman of color I can understand your point of view Allison, and while I feel like in time I might be able to talk to some of his supporters again, I also feel as if their inability to use critical thinking makes it so that I can't continue conversations with them. Yes, I will be civil when required, but to simply value your dollar more than my rights and the rights of millions of people who will be impacted by the policy changes of this administration makes it so that I can't fathom to understand how skewed your value system is. My only hope is that those who voted just because of their economic situation will wake up in time and realize the grave mistake they've made when their rights are being threatened. Only then do I think I'll be able to hold space for them.
But worse than that, I cannot even speak aloud to those who chose to not stand up against the racism, misogyny, hate and fear.
I shared a story, about intervening when I saw 3 boys attack 1. Cowards must be faced down, even at the risk of being attacked by them.
The woman I was with at that point in my life didn’t even want me to use the phone to call the police, out of fear of possible retaliation.
When surrounded by Trump voters on every side, she refused to allow me to fly a flag or set up a poster supporting Harris, even though I still reside on the property.
I blame the cowards that voted for Harris in secret, refusing to stand up against the tyrant who will soon rule these States, for his being allowed to be elected.
Even more than I blame the mentally deficient who “assume” Trump gives a FLYING FVCK about them.
Thank you so much. This is the first thing I have read that actually helped me and made me feel a little less terrified and betrayed. I appreciate your perspective.
I think it may also be worth looking at the concerns and fears of those who voted for trump have, to hear their fears and concerns without hand waving them to the side.
To hear their actual thoughts and feelings and not rely on the worst interpretation possible.
It is not only what other people need to do in order for me to feel safe, it is also important to ask what do I need to do in order to humanize people I don’t understand and if I shamed and rejected them based on who they voted for. Maybe I need to extend the olive branch and come to the conversation ready to listen.
Thank you so much for this, Allison. I think you’re exactly right. At the same time, I understand and support queer & POC people who just cannot continue to have ties with Trump voters; they have even more reason to be afraid of discrimination and harassment in their daily lives now, though I hate to say it. So, for those of us who are not queer and/or POC, I think it’s important to check on those friends and offer support. For other relatively privileged white folks (like myself), I think we have the responsibility of continuing to engage with Trump voters we may have in our lives and try to find productive ways to help them understand why we are concerned about this administration, as well some basic understanding of economics and misinfo. :/
Sometimes I worry that white liberals feel they must cut ties with any conservative family members friends to show their solidarity with POC and/or queer people. I’m not sure if it always really has to do with showing solidarity so much as ridding them of their shame of being attached to such conservative people. That doesn’t really help anyone except themselves. I think you are right “If we are going to salvage what has become of America, we need to do a better job of reconnecting with the second part of his supporters”. It has done no good simply deciding that Trump supporters are bad and liberals are good (never mind the fact that many liberals are not inquisitive enough to the dissect problems within the Democratic Party). Many Trump supporters once voted for Obama. They have now voted for trump thinking that he will save the economy. But they have only been deceived and will feel sorry once they realize it.
I love your optimism but I don’t share it. If Trump supporters were interested these kinds of nuanced conversations, they would have already had them. They are angry and want change and—you are right— feel like they will get that in a Trump presidency.
Yes, I am really skeptical that conversations with Trump supporters will do much. Strong men leaders are unfortunately popular all over the globe. Also, if you ask Trump voters why they voted, their answers are often incoherent. They can barely explain it themselves.
This is not a comment about you specifically, but I find that a lot of the people who say this have not actually had many (offline) conversations with Trump voters. I’m a queer progressive from a purple state and a purple family. Some of the conservatives in my life are never Trumpers and some of them are Trump voters (though none of them are fanatical — I would admittedly find that harder to deal with). I strongly disagree with their cost benefit analysis and some of their values, but I also know many of them to be intelligent people capable of kindness and generosity and human connection. They feel the same way about me. I don’t think we get out of this terrible information ecosystem and hateful, reactive political culture by continuing to reduce and essentialize and disconnect from one another.
I have family members who voted for Trump. They voted for him because they "want cheaper stuff" or they just like his attitude. My grandfather had a great pension from a union job and is also anti-union (for other people). A lot of people's opinions don't make sense. They can believe whatever they want about Trump, but I don't get it.
It is exhausting having to be the bigger person in this situation. I understand her view and maybe with more time, I will share it. But right now, I find it infantilizing having to justify why I don’t want my rights as a woman taken away nor do I want to demonize minorities, etc. Also the name calling, sexist, and racist rhetoric common among his supporters makes it especially difficult to reach some sort of meaningful conclusion. Again, maybe with time and space away from this, I can come around to a place of greater understanding. But today, this moment, the cuts are too fresh.
I needed this. My parents (and their current partners) who I love dearly have now voted for this mad man 3 times and with each time I wonder how do I continue this relationship. Obviously it was easier when we won. Harder because he seems worse and worse and how could they do it again? But this helps open my mind to the conversations to move forward.
I'm glad you can find some hope in this Allison, but unfortunately this election has made me very cynical. I feel like there are too many fundamental differences between myself and trump supporters. I can intellectually understand that inflation and the current economy has played a big role, but I simply can't understand those that put those things above our fundamental rights. I know you said that many people don't believe he'll put many of promises into action, but I just can't see what leads them to even take that chance. I don't care if my eggs are $1, if it drastically increases the chances I'll die from a miscarriage.
This is helpful. I struggle with relatives and dear friends who have voted for Trump, twice. Right now most of them just do not want to talk about their choice and his leadership.
It is so frustrating and emotional. My hope is that they are slowly changing their minds even if they aren’t ready to admit it <3
I think it’s also challenging because most of these people are voting for the economy because they believe that it’s going to help. Voting for your wallet means buying into the flawed, violent system of empire. How can we expect to thrive, let alone survive, amidst a violent regime, including those who perpetuate and platform them by voting that direction?
Yes to all of this, this was such a good read after election, thank you for sharing your reframing with us!
AND I think it is worth noting that the amount of people who actually voted for trump is almost the same (a bit less) than people who voted for him in 2016 and 2020, so this feeling of swaths of people suddenly flipping to the „bad side“ isn’t actually true, it’s not that the majority of people are suddenly Trumpers while the amount of reasonable people has gone down. It’s just that the Trumpers were more compelled to show up to the polls… I’m not American but seeing the actual number of votes assured me that this isn’t some gigantic and surprising shift in opinions, it’s just the same people as always showing up and voting how they did.
As long as they leave me alone, I'll leave them alone. I'll give them that courtesy.
I grew up in a white evangelical church and culture; most of my extended family are Trump supporters. I do not have the hope of having the kind of nuanced conversations with Trump supporters than Allison envisions. It's an authoritarian mindset; they are right and opponents are wrong. Opponents should be punished or even killed. They have been raised to dehumanize people on the Other Side. They see empathy as a weakness. It's a dark and ugly mindset. Having lived with it and seen how much it resists change or open-mindedness, I don't want to spend energy on changing it. Yes, to changing the media environment. But to try to have heart-to-hearts with Trump supporters....for me, the answer is a sad and resigned "nope." I wish all the best to people who want to try though.
Yes. I share your opinion. My experiences with these relatives/coworkers/neighbors is binary thinking. Many of them are in good financial positions or, on the other side of the spectrum, receiving generous government benefits. So, the economy is an issue for them, but they are primarily motivated by maintaining their white privileges and supremacy, while denying that those things even exist!! There is also a very comfortable (for them) binary thought /value system that is operating within themselves. Nuance be damned. I am civil,and kind when needed, but I'll never be close with these people.
You have put into words everything I’ve been thinking about today.
Hi Allison,
In the spirit of the open communication you have mentioned in your post, I will say that while I have normally leaned Democrat, as a Palestinian-American I am feeling INCREDIBLY alienated by people who share your views of being terrified of Trump, implying that anything would have been better under Harris. The Biden/Harris administration have already SHOWN us that they support the Israeli genocide of Palestinians in Gaza and are ACTIVELY funding it, and Harris has outright admitted she would always defend Israel and wouldn't do anything differently than Biden did. So I could not in good conscious vote for her, though I did not vote for Trump either. To me, Harris is NOT the "lessor of two evils" and is in fact just a more well-spoken and eloquent but EQUAL EVIL. There was no way in hell I would vote for her, and I am tired of our two-party system so I voted for a pro-Palestine 3rd party.
While I don't think I need to justify my decision to vote 3rd party, I will add that I live in a VERY BLUE state so it frankly did not matter, and while I care about progressive views such as women's rights, etc., I also believe some issues require to be prioritized, such as LITERAL GENOCIDE. For people who condescendingly say that Trump will be "worse" for Gaza than Harris: there is nothing worse than literal genocide, period.
Once again, while I did not vote for Trump and did not even want him to win, I equally did not want Harris to win either, and I frankly believe I would have felt MORE alienated if Harris won if I had to see people parading "the victory" of our first female president, or for "beating" Trump, as though that would be a good thing, when this administration is enabling genocide/ apartheid/ colonialism. Similarly, people who say that Harris isn't that great and we'd continue to rally under her but she'd be a better starting point than Trump: she's ALREADY in the administration and I see no action, and I see that Democrats take a break and go to brunch and consider themselves safe when a Democrat is in office, so I hope we (myself included!) actually rally and fight against Trump's hurtful policies when he is in office, as it seems that Democrats are more willing to rally against a Republican in office.
It is BAFFLING to me that Democrats analyzing why or how Trump won don't even CONSIDER that Harris's pro-Israeli/pro-genocide stance is a huge point against her, when this is a massive, on-going issue and not a sideline issue at all. We are actively funding this with our tax dollars instead of funding local issues that are in need of our attention here in the US. Americans should be significantly more outraged about this and I am feeling so incredibly alienated by this blatant and acceptable racism by the Democrats.
As a woman of color I can understand your point of view Allison, and while I feel like in time I might be able to talk to some of his supporters again, I also feel as if their inability to use critical thinking makes it so that I can't continue conversations with them. Yes, I will be civil when required, but to simply value your dollar more than my rights and the rights of millions of people who will be impacted by the policy changes of this administration makes it so that I can't fathom to understand how skewed your value system is. My only hope is that those who voted just because of their economic situation will wake up in time and realize the grave mistake they've made when their rights are being threatened. Only then do I think I'll be able to hold space for them.
No. I cannot.
But worse than that, I cannot even speak aloud to those who chose to not stand up against the racism, misogyny, hate and fear.
I shared a story, about intervening when I saw 3 boys attack 1. Cowards must be faced down, even at the risk of being attacked by them.
The woman I was with at that point in my life didn’t even want me to use the phone to call the police, out of fear of possible retaliation.
When surrounded by Trump voters on every side, she refused to allow me to fly a flag or set up a poster supporting Harris, even though I still reside on the property.
I blame the cowards that voted for Harris in secret, refusing to stand up against the tyrant who will soon rule these States, for his being allowed to be elected.
Even more than I blame the mentally deficient who “assume” Trump gives a FLYING FVCK about them.
GHUA