Soulmates are for romance novels, not real life. Real relationships are developed over time through effort and the desire to stay with someone despite the differences between you. No one is 100% compatible from the offset.
In "Overthinking About You", one of the experts Allison interviews mentions how a relationship should give you 80% of what you need, because no one person is realistically going to give you 100%.
Loved this!!! As someone who has very much contemplated “should I stay in this relationship” for a long time over the period of the relationship, I find this to really clearly define what works and doesn’t. I get easily swayed (less so now, but I’m still sensitive to it) by others opinions on my relationship, but when I truly ask myself, I am very much content and happy and compatible. Thanks Allison!
Thank you for this Allison! Chef’s kiss! Two of my grandmas have been together for over 50 years, and I once asked one of them how they had possibly been able to be together for so long. She said, “you have to figure out what you’re okay with not being okay with.” It totally changed the name of the game for me, and I feel like this post somewhat shares this sentiment.
Anyways, you are so awesome and thank you for sharing such important nuggets with us!
I've been seeing a guy almost 6 months now and after about 3 months when I got to know him and had that foundation of trust and respect build up, a lot of my ROCD seemed to vanish. I still get in my head about if he'll get sick of me and my mental and physical health struggles, but we've had enough disagreements that we've worked through, he's done enough things to trigger or bother me, that I can see how we operate together. It's getting easier not to take things personally, and none of it makes me start questioning the core of the relationship anymore. He's moderate leaning conservative and I'm more liberal leaning progressive, but we have reasoned discussions and the stuff I just think he's wrong about I can let him be wrong about, and/or I can see underneath to his own triggers and history, and understand where he's coming from. In the beginning this was the main thing that caused me to doubt our relationship and now it's background that comes up every now and then. Any breech of connection it causes we actively repair and we can do that because the foundation beneath it is strong - we have such trust and mutual respect and appreciation for each other. I've never felt like it really was me and a partner versus life/the problem before instead of me versus my partner, and the difference is life-changing. So when these things come up, they don't shake the relationship to its core anymore.
As soon as I saw the notification come up for the article I clicked it! I really value your perspective on relationship anxiety because I have dealt with it so much. Reading your book helped me get a better handle on things!
It also puts less pressure on yourself to be perfect for someone else when you view those 3rd traits as something you can tolerate.
Yes!! Love that!
Soulmates are for romance novels, not real life. Real relationships are developed over time through effort and the desire to stay with someone despite the differences between you. No one is 100% compatible from the offset.
In "Overthinking About You", one of the experts Allison interviews mentions how a relationship should give you 80% of what you need, because no one person is realistically going to give you 100%.
My mom taught me that when I was younger too and it changed my life!
Agreed!!
Loved this!!! As someone who has very much contemplated “should I stay in this relationship” for a long time over the period of the relationship, I find this to really clearly define what works and doesn’t. I get easily swayed (less so now, but I’m still sensitive to it) by others opinions on my relationship, but when I truly ask myself, I am very much content and happy and compatible. Thanks Allison!
I love that for you! thanks for reading!!
Thank you for this Allison! Chef’s kiss! Two of my grandmas have been together for over 50 years, and I once asked one of them how they had possibly been able to be together for so long. She said, “you have to figure out what you’re okay with not being okay with.” It totally changed the name of the game for me, and I feel like this post somewhat shares this sentiment.
Anyways, you are so awesome and thank you for sharing such important nuggets with us!
Oh I love that she said that! Definitely the same sort of take!
I'm at that "assesment" crossroads in my current relationship. So reading this this morning especially resonated with me.
I'm so glad! Sending love!
I love your relationship posts!
I've been seeing a guy almost 6 months now and after about 3 months when I got to know him and had that foundation of trust and respect build up, a lot of my ROCD seemed to vanish. I still get in my head about if he'll get sick of me and my mental and physical health struggles, but we've had enough disagreements that we've worked through, he's done enough things to trigger or bother me, that I can see how we operate together. It's getting easier not to take things personally, and none of it makes me start questioning the core of the relationship anymore. He's moderate leaning conservative and I'm more liberal leaning progressive, but we have reasoned discussions and the stuff I just think he's wrong about I can let him be wrong about, and/or I can see underneath to his own triggers and history, and understand where he's coming from. In the beginning this was the main thing that caused me to doubt our relationship and now it's background that comes up every now and then. Any breech of connection it causes we actively repair and we can do that because the foundation beneath it is strong - we have such trust and mutual respect and appreciation for each other. I've never felt like it really was me and a partner versus life/the problem before instead of me versus my partner, and the difference is life-changing. So when these things come up, they don't shake the relationship to its core anymore.
Thanks so much for sharing!! xo A
As soon as I saw the notification come up for the article I clicked it! I really value your perspective on relationship anxiety because I have dealt with it so much. Reading your book helped me get a better handle on things!
Oh I'm so glad!!! Sending tons of love!
Thanks for sharing! Wise words.
Thank you so much Allison, such a great perspective.
Thanks so much for reading!
dear allison,
love this, as always.
one line that really tickled me was your "deep love of both socialistic ideals and money"
the whole post is meaningful and entertaining.
thanks and love, friend!
myq
This is so helpful, thanks!
I'm so glad! xoxo A
Very complicated. Because you can be in the right relationship and not understand it.