Sometimes I’ll be in the middle of a podcast recording or a business meeting or even a conversation with friends and I’ll notice that I’m fake laughing. I don’t actually find what was said to be funny, but I know that the best response is to pretend that I do. The same occurs with my facial expressions. I’ll feel my face getting tired from forcing myself to smile but I keep it up along with a steady stream of nodding at all the right moments. It’s almost comical the way the energy evaporates from my body the moment a Zoom call ends. Does all of this mean I am a complete fraud who is tricking people into thinking I am someone who doesn’t exist? Maybe! But I prefer to think of my social performance in a different way.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I absolutely agree with what you've said! I just want to add that for me an extra layer is that I also tailor my (in)authenticity to my environment and what is suitable in this moment - like you said, in a social setting I prioritize being kind to other people, and that for me includes not burdening other people - who are not particularly close to me - with my feelings in a social setting. If I am not enjoying an event where I do not know the person I went with very well it is not very kind to burden the other person, whom I just know casually with my feelings of boredom, because that would make them feel uncomfortable. But on the other hand, if I go with a good friend or my partner, then I'll let them know that I am bored, but I will of course still stick it out. Sometimes being inauthentic in the moment to people we barely know just lessens their mental load, because they don't have to deal with my feelings (which people often take on without needing to) and that is kind.
Wow, I really connected with this! I've been marinating on the differences between authenticity and acceptance for a while now, and how I can bring more of my "authentic self" to interactions. But I've also been beating myself up for some of the more minor "inauthentic" interactions that you describe in your post. Finding a balance, like you've done, really resonates with me, and gave me a new perspective. Thanks -- I feel like this post came at the perfect time for me. I appreciate you taking the time to be introspective and share these experiences. I've been reading your posts for a while now, and never fail to come away with something thought-provoking or practical (or both!) that I can apply to my own life.
Oh I'm so glad it was helpful! I totally get that struggle and finding the balance has been key for me! Thanks for all your support and for reading!! xoxo A
Love this! Was just talking to someone today about this. There is "lying" versus dishonesty. I feel that it is okay to "lie" or, bend the truth a little, to be kind. Being dishonest would be being more inauthentic (to me, anyway!). But, I love how you always write about how you have learned different strategies to navigate life's situations and where you were before and where you are now in the process. Thanks so much for your always truly honest writing!
Hi Allison! I relate a lot to this part of you and what you described reminds me so much of descriptions of “Extroverted Feeling” (“Fe” for short), which is a cognitive function from MBTI personality types. My type is ENFJ which leads with Fe, which is basically what you described - responding to the needs and feelings of others & valuing group harmony/relationships. You might find it validating to look into Fe yourself! ❤️
Oh thank you!! I'm a bit skeptical of personality tests in general but anything that helps us better understand ourselves and navigate the world certainly has value!! xoxo A
Thank you so much for sharing this! I absolutely agree with what you've said! I just want to add that for me an extra layer is that I also tailor my (in)authenticity to my environment and what is suitable in this moment - like you said, in a social setting I prioritize being kind to other people, and that for me includes not burdening other people - who are not particularly close to me - with my feelings in a social setting. If I am not enjoying an event where I do not know the person I went with very well it is not very kind to burden the other person, whom I just know casually with my feelings of boredom, because that would make them feel uncomfortable. But on the other hand, if I go with a good friend or my partner, then I'll let them know that I am bored, but I will of course still stick it out. Sometimes being inauthentic in the moment to people we barely know just lessens their mental load, because they don't have to deal with my feelings (which people often take on without needing to) and that is kind.
This is such a good point! Context matters so much! Thank you for sharing (and for being so thoughtful in general!) xoxo A
ur a good bean. i feel these ways too. thx for sharing.
Awesome and instantly relatable ty
Awesome and instantly relatable ty
Wow, I really connected with this! I've been marinating on the differences between authenticity and acceptance for a while now, and how I can bring more of my "authentic self" to interactions. But I've also been beating myself up for some of the more minor "inauthentic" interactions that you describe in your post. Finding a balance, like you've done, really resonates with me, and gave me a new perspective. Thanks -- I feel like this post came at the perfect time for me. I appreciate you taking the time to be introspective and share these experiences. I've been reading your posts for a while now, and never fail to come away with something thought-provoking or practical (or both!) that I can apply to my own life.
Oh I'm so glad it was helpful! I totally get that struggle and finding the balance has been key for me! Thanks for all your support and for reading!! xoxo A
Love this! Was just talking to someone today about this. There is "lying" versus dishonesty. I feel that it is okay to "lie" or, bend the truth a little, to be kind. Being dishonest would be being more inauthentic (to me, anyway!). But, I love how you always write about how you have learned different strategies to navigate life's situations and where you were before and where you are now in the process. Thanks so much for your always truly honest writing!
Thanks so much for reading!! And I really like that distinction, it's a super helpful way to think about the different layers! xoxo A
Hi Allison! I relate a lot to this part of you and what you described reminds me so much of descriptions of “Extroverted Feeling” (“Fe” for short), which is a cognitive function from MBTI personality types. My type is ENFJ which leads with Fe, which is basically what you described - responding to the needs and feelings of others & valuing group harmony/relationships. You might find it validating to look into Fe yourself! ❤️
Oh thank you!! I'm a bit skeptical of personality tests in general but anything that helps us better understand ourselves and navigate the world certainly has value!! xoxo A