I have done a lot of work in recent years not just to learn new things, but also to actively unlearn a lot of harmful societal messaging. My thoughts around my own body, productivity, ableism, racism, gender, relationships, capitalism and mental health (to name a few) have dramatically changed and I am so proud of myself for challenging what I once took to be the “truth.” By doing the work to modify my perception of things, I have recently been able to move through the world with far more self-compassion and a whole lot less judgment--both of other people and myself. While this is exciting and liberating, there are very few people in my personal life who now approach things the way that I do. And sometimes it can be hard to heal and grow when the people around you aren’t on the same journey.
This is so well written! I struggle with the fact that while I may be growing in certain aspects of my life specially in terms of not believing harmful stereotypes related to food/body, I feel like a lot of women I know are stuck in that cycle. It almost feels triggering to be near them and hear them talk about food in that manner. So many people are out there restricting their diets and calling food "good" or "bad" instead of focusing on exercise and knowing you are doing your very best. I hope to be in a headspace where I'm not triggered by hearing someone else talk negatively about any food and just think of that as personal choice.
This came at SUCH a relatable time for me - especially the COVID paragraph. One of my roommates (and close friends) is aggressively in the "learn to live with it" camp, and although he received the base vaccine is "pro-choice" on the shot and skeptical of the boosters - largely due to concerns he has with government transparency (but I'll stop that rabbit hole right now).
As dicey as that topic can be, the good news is I've greatly improved in the last year at navigating the occasional tough convo with grace. I used to think I was obligated to change his mind on a "bad take" THEN AND THERE, which led to me losing my cool and internalizing my failure to communicate as a deep-seated vice. (Conflict anxiety SUCKS!!)
I've learned since then that minds just don't work that way, *but* that a respectful and productive discussion can help plant a seed -- if not to change minds, then at least to help them understand your view. A recent chat with my roommate about vaccines and masks still gave me an anxiety flare-up, but because I believe him to be a good person, I'm putting more effort into letting him feel heard and making my case in ways he can understand too.
I'll admittedly be relieved once I move in a few months and no longer have that anxiety source in my living space, but I can see how much we've both grown over the years and I'm proud of that.
Hi Allison! This is definitely a journey I'm sure plenty of the emotional support community can relate to, myself included. It's super difficult to remind yourself all the time that your social conditioning affects every view you have, even when those views feel so personal. Hearing family members comment on each other's appearances all the time can be super tough. Personally, I find myself flip-flopping between standing resolute in my current body, or wishing I still looked how I did when I was eighteen. (Even though at that age, all I wanted was more curves!) It's a slow process, unlearning all that stuff, but I'm glad I know unlearning it is an option. You are doing such amazing work on this substack, and I feel so lucky to be a part of this community. To all the other subscribers, your worth does not depend on the size of your jeans/the height of your cheekbones. We are all working towards being our best and kindest selves, and that is the most beautiful thing of all. Xx
This is so well written! I struggle with the fact that while I may be growing in certain aspects of my life specially in terms of not believing harmful stereotypes related to food/body, I feel like a lot of women I know are stuck in that cycle. It almost feels triggering to be near them and hear them talk about food in that manner. So many people are out there restricting their diets and calling food "good" or "bad" instead of focusing on exercise and knowing you are doing your very best. I hope to be in a headspace where I'm not triggered by hearing someone else talk negatively about any food and just think of that as personal choice.
This came at SUCH a relatable time for me - especially the COVID paragraph. One of my roommates (and close friends) is aggressively in the "learn to live with it" camp, and although he received the base vaccine is "pro-choice" on the shot and skeptical of the boosters - largely due to concerns he has with government transparency (but I'll stop that rabbit hole right now).
As dicey as that topic can be, the good news is I've greatly improved in the last year at navigating the occasional tough convo with grace. I used to think I was obligated to change his mind on a "bad take" THEN AND THERE, which led to me losing my cool and internalizing my failure to communicate as a deep-seated vice. (Conflict anxiety SUCKS!!)
I've learned since then that minds just don't work that way, *but* that a respectful and productive discussion can help plant a seed -- if not to change minds, then at least to help them understand your view. A recent chat with my roommate about vaccines and masks still gave me an anxiety flare-up, but because I believe him to be a good person, I'm putting more effort into letting him feel heard and making my case in ways he can understand too.
I'll admittedly be relieved once I move in a few months and no longer have that anxiety source in my living space, but I can see how much we've both grown over the years and I'm proud of that.
Hi Allison! This is definitely a journey I'm sure plenty of the emotional support community can relate to, myself included. It's super difficult to remind yourself all the time that your social conditioning affects every view you have, even when those views feel so personal. Hearing family members comment on each other's appearances all the time can be super tough. Personally, I find myself flip-flopping between standing resolute in my current body, or wishing I still looked how I did when I was eighteen. (Even though at that age, all I wanted was more curves!) It's a slow process, unlearning all that stuff, but I'm glad I know unlearning it is an option. You are doing such amazing work on this substack, and I feel so lucky to be a part of this community. To all the other subscribers, your worth does not depend on the size of your jeans/the height of your cheekbones. We are all working towards being our best and kindest selves, and that is the most beautiful thing of all. Xx