At some point during my adolescence, I bought a pair of dark green sneakers. Whenever I wore them, I became convinced that they made me seem overtly masculine. And appearing masculine was something I did not, under any circumstances, want to do. So, for years (and years) I refused to wear sneakers unless I was working out or playing sports. I spent all of college in various boots, sandals and closed toed shoes. It was only in my 20’s that I dared to wear sneakers with a regular outfit and realized the level of comfort (and style!) I had been missing out on.
Wow, I felt the opposite growing up and tried to be more masculine in hopes people would consider what I said seriously and not *crazy* or *bossy* (traits that belonged to women). 😑
Allison!!! I love you for sharing this. This is such a real thing so many women and afab people struggle with. Being somewhere in between a "girly girl" and a "tomboy" was something I struggled with for years. I'm tall, assertive and physically strong, but I LOVE makeup and feminine clothing. Like you, I sought to define myself as a woman all my life, struggling with being perceived as masculine. (It was through real self-reflection I realised I'm actually nonbinary, thank you JBU!) I really enjoyed reading your reflection on strongly identifying as a woman - that's something I always lacked and hearing someone explain their utter certainty in their gender identity is so so lovely to read. I'm so happy you feel comfortable enough to be a woman in sneakers, a woman leading a meeting. You're someone I look up to so much, and I'm so happy for you that womanhood is now something YOU can define for yourself. If I was a woman, I'd want to be one like you Xx
Internalized misogyny is a difficult opponent to defeat, even in this day and age.
It really is! Especially when you don't even realize it's impact!
Wow, I felt the opposite growing up and tried to be more masculine in hopes people would consider what I said seriously and not *crazy* or *bossy* (traits that belonged to women). 😑
So interesting and makes sense! I guess we all deal with internalized sexism differently! xoxo A
great piece of writing, Allison
Thank you so much!! xoxo A
Allison!!! I love you for sharing this. This is such a real thing so many women and afab people struggle with. Being somewhere in between a "girly girl" and a "tomboy" was something I struggled with for years. I'm tall, assertive and physically strong, but I LOVE makeup and feminine clothing. Like you, I sought to define myself as a woman all my life, struggling with being perceived as masculine. (It was through real self-reflection I realised I'm actually nonbinary, thank you JBU!) I really enjoyed reading your reflection on strongly identifying as a woman - that's something I always lacked and hearing someone explain their utter certainty in their gender identity is so so lovely to read. I'm so happy you feel comfortable enough to be a woman in sneakers, a woman leading a meeting. You're someone I look up to so much, and I'm so happy for you that womanhood is now something YOU can define for yourself. If I was a woman, I'd want to be one like you Xx
This is so kind and wonderful to read! Thank you so much and I'm so glad we have both figured things out along the way! Sending tons of love! xoxo A