Really related to this one! I've been feeling bummed lately when a close friend has posted kind of big deal social activities she's doing on social media that I didn't know were happening. We talk every day! How could I not have known she was doing this? We're not in the same location and I'd have no expectation of being invited anyway, so it's not that. It's just that if I were doing something similar I probably would have brought it up in conversation with everyone I knew and I couldn't relate to not sharing in that way. But I think it's a mark of personal growth I haven't let it hurt my feelings, haven't felt the need to bring it up, I just noted my surprise and processed that this is just how she operates. I trust she'd still share important things with me.
Thank you so much for sharing this! That really is a huge marker of growth and it's amazing both that it happened and you are able to recognize it! xoxo A
This really hit home for me! I am also dating someone who is so much more private than I am, who holds their cards very close to their chest. For the first while, not being able to read him easily filled me with anxiety, and I would constantly assign my own imagined meaning to his behavior. It's been tough, but the longer we are together the more comfortable I feel forcing myself to take a step back and examine why I may feel entitled to his every thought and emotion (spoiler alert it is me feeling that everyone is entitled to MY every thought/emotion). I'm learning to stop over-sharing and while it is tough, it is definitely worth the work. All I can do is ask him appropriate questions, and if he doesn't want to share, respect his decision. Thank you as always for sharing Allison, your posts are always so thought-provoking! Xx
I really appreciate this outlook. It reminds me of the Wilco song "You and I." We will never know everything about someone, and that's okay. It doesn't make a relationship less meaningful.
I totally relate to oversharing and expecting the same in return. I’m learning with my boyfriend that both of us taking time to reflect on things before sharing isn’t lying, it’s helping ourselves understand our emotions so that the other person doesn’t get attacked by raw feelings. Some days I just want to demand he answer my every question to make me feel better, but I have to trust that he will tell me the important takeaways. Thanks for your post! It’s a tough topic to tackle.
Wow, I think I'm the same way too! But I still need to work on accepting that I can't know everything about everyone and that not everyone wants to share everything (and hear everything about me), and that's okay. I think I've been becoming more patient about it recently though. I just try to really appreciate it when people do decide to share stuff with me, and try not to push their boundaries on what they do and don't share. I ask questions, but I don't pry. It's a delicate balance, but I'm working on it!
Thanks for this community! I find the podcast so comforting and look forward to going on a walk and listening. I definitely relate to this - I’ve been working on being healthier in a new relationship and I’ve had to learn the difference between a good level of emotional availability vs wanting to know absolutely everything. These posts are super relatable as someone trying to figure it all out!
After your ex left, have you noticed that you share less? I've always been an open book but since my ex fiancé left without notice or reason, I have found myself keeping more things to myself. Curious if your experience is the same!
Really related to this one! I've been feeling bummed lately when a close friend has posted kind of big deal social activities she's doing on social media that I didn't know were happening. We talk every day! How could I not have known she was doing this? We're not in the same location and I'd have no expectation of being invited anyway, so it's not that. It's just that if I were doing something similar I probably would have brought it up in conversation with everyone I knew and I couldn't relate to not sharing in that way. But I think it's a mark of personal growth I haven't let it hurt my feelings, haven't felt the need to bring it up, I just noted my surprise and processed that this is just how she operates. I trust she'd still share important things with me.
Thank you so much for sharing this! That really is a huge marker of growth and it's amazing both that it happened and you are able to recognize it! xoxo A
This really hit home for me! I am also dating someone who is so much more private than I am, who holds their cards very close to their chest. For the first while, not being able to read him easily filled me with anxiety, and I would constantly assign my own imagined meaning to his behavior. It's been tough, but the longer we are together the more comfortable I feel forcing myself to take a step back and examine why I may feel entitled to his every thought and emotion (spoiler alert it is me feeling that everyone is entitled to MY every thought/emotion). I'm learning to stop over-sharing and while it is tough, it is definitely worth the work. All I can do is ask him appropriate questions, and if he doesn't want to share, respect his decision. Thank you as always for sharing Allison, your posts are always so thought-provoking! Xx
So heartening to see someone going through such a similar experience!! Very proud of both of us! xoxo A
I really appreciate this outlook. It reminds me of the Wilco song "You and I." We will never know everything about someone, and that's okay. It doesn't make a relationship less meaningful.
Ooo will have to check that song out! Thank you for sharing! xoxo A
I totally relate to oversharing and expecting the same in return. I’m learning with my boyfriend that both of us taking time to reflect on things before sharing isn’t lying, it’s helping ourselves understand our emotions so that the other person doesn’t get attacked by raw feelings. Some days I just want to demand he answer my every question to make me feel better, but I have to trust that he will tell me the important takeaways. Thanks for your post! It’s a tough topic to tackle.
Love what you said about differentiating it from lying! Trust is so freaking scary but worth it! xoxo A
Wow, I think I'm the same way too! But I still need to work on accepting that I can't know everything about everyone and that not everyone wants to share everything (and hear everything about me), and that's okay. I think I've been becoming more patient about it recently though. I just try to really appreciate it when people do decide to share stuff with me, and try not to push their boundaries on what they do and don't share. I ask questions, but I don't pry. It's a delicate balance, but I'm working on it!
That sounds awesome and very similar to the work I'm trying to do!! Balance (as always) is key!! xox A
Thanks for this community! I find the podcast so comforting and look forward to going on a walk and listening. I definitely relate to this - I’ve been working on being healthier in a new relationship and I’ve had to learn the difference between a good level of emotional availability vs wanting to know absolutely everything. These posts are super relatable as someone trying to figure it all out!
I'm so glad it was helpful and that you've been enjoying the podcast!! Makes my day! xoxo A
After your ex left, have you noticed that you share less? I've always been an open book but since my ex fiancé left without notice or reason, I have found myself keeping more things to myself. Curious if your experience is the same!
Little changes add up over time! xoxo A