"while well intentioned, the Golden Rule completely ignores people’s personality differences and greater context. It can shield you from noticing what might actually help someone because you are operating under the false assumption that you instinctively know what is best for everyone else." I love the way you put this because it's insidiously harmful, that end part. I have known people who go "but I've tried to be so considerate of you!" while unilaterally doing harmful things that simply asking for my input would have averted.
This is gold...or should I say platinum? (Cheesy, but I couldn’t resist.) I can’t help but wonder how I haven’t heard of this before - why, given the dumpster-fire going on in our society (especially over the past few years) it isn’t a widely known concept.
Reminds me of the fact that I realized I have always admired and aspired to be the kind of person confidently and decisively does "the right thing."
Obviously "the right thing" is in quotes because that's a vague target that is impossible to always hit in all situations. Perhaps that's like any other unrealistic goal/expectation - too much pressure and actually can ironically make you just a bit of a confident jerk or comfortably ignorant.
It's useful to see it defined here in a way that can be as easy to remember as the golden rule (but more thoughtful lol).
Great article. Another helpful tip is to ask the other person how they would like to be treated. They may or may not know but if they are able to tell you even a little something it can be helpful so you don’t over (or under) step. Also asking them this question either before or after the situation arises may be better than when they are in the middle of it. I’ve been working to teach the platinum rule to my teenager and also to emphasize that sometimes even with the best intentions it is hard to determine how a person would like to be treated, so in that case just ask them.
This is IT!! I have learnt this over the last few months and it's so great to see this concept communicated so effortlessly and kindly. Thank you Allison, I will be sharing this point in all future relationships :)
"while well intentioned, the Golden Rule completely ignores people’s personality differences and greater context. It can shield you from noticing what might actually help someone because you are operating under the false assumption that you instinctively know what is best for everyone else." I love the way you put this because it's insidiously harmful, that end part. I have known people who go "but I've tried to be so considerate of you!" while unilaterally doing harmful things that simply asking for my input would have averted.
This is gold...or should I say platinum? (Cheesy, but I couldn’t resist.) I can’t help but wonder how I haven’t heard of this before - why, given the dumpster-fire going on in our society (especially over the past few years) it isn’t a widely known concept.
Love this!
Everyone has different needs, so this makes sense.
Reminds me of the fact that I realized I have always admired and aspired to be the kind of person confidently and decisively does "the right thing."
Obviously "the right thing" is in quotes because that's a vague target that is impossible to always hit in all situations. Perhaps that's like any other unrealistic goal/expectation - too much pressure and actually can ironically make you just a bit of a confident jerk or comfortably ignorant.
It's useful to see it defined here in a way that can be as easy to remember as the golden rule (but more thoughtful lol).
Thanks for sharing!
i ALWAYS brought this up in school when we went over the golden rule as a classroom and the TEACHERS ALWAYS shut me down about it. RIGHT ON!
Great article. Another helpful tip is to ask the other person how they would like to be treated. They may or may not know but if they are able to tell you even a little something it can be helpful so you don’t over (or under) step. Also asking them this question either before or after the situation arises may be better than when they are in the middle of it. I’ve been working to teach the platinum rule to my teenager and also to emphasize that sometimes even with the best intentions it is hard to determine how a person would like to be treated, so in that case just ask them.
This is IT!! I have learnt this over the last few months and it's so great to see this concept communicated so effortlessly and kindly. Thank you Allison, I will be sharing this point in all future relationships :)
Oof Allison! You gotta stop shifting my whole world view like that!
dear allison,
this is great! love that platinum rule! i also love your use of "shimmy"!
and re: "The more guidance we give other people, the more likely they are to know what (the hell) to do." amen!
thank you!
love
myq