Re crossing the road... I will speed up if the driver smiles at me. But if they rev their engine, or if I had to glare at them to make them stop for me, you’d best believe I’m walking slowly. (My very small weapon in the war on cars...). I do feel very guilty when bus drivers stop to let me cross - I’m not more important than the 50 people on board!
Hahaha I used to be a they’re/there/their person! I think it’s that I would always notice! So I thought others noticed too, but just didn’t care. Fast forward to now when I’ve *gasp* caught myself making a mistake on which ones to use! Lol. And I was like huh, I just wasn’t paying attention, I’m busy thinking of other things, or I have less practice writing any of those words so I was out of practice figuring out which one to use. It’s funny how my perspective changed. We really think the world sees things the way we do, but they really don’t 😄.
I have to chuckle because often my OCD will latch on to social norms and trying to figure out what’s the “right” way to do things... instead of my right way
Love this. I agree with a lot of yours actually although not all bother me and a few I'm not in the same camp on so we can agree to disagree :) ... Venmo being private makes sense to me although I don't really care if people do it or not ... I don't care at all about typos or grammar issues although I always notice extraneous apostrophes and I don't really understand people who put a lot of emphasis on those things ... I do tend to speed up when walking across the street but at the same time prefer walking cities and think it's probably good for people in cars to be a little frustrated so maybe they won't use their cars as much and can just get out and walk too. ... Regardless of all these things, I think you're on to some magic here about letting people be as they are, loving them as they are, trying not to let the little differences annoy us. Although I still struggle a lot with people who are chronically late to things :)
Yep, I was always taught not to run when a car is waiting for me to cross. Pedestrians have the right of way and a driver can wait. If it takes a little longer, that's fine!
I can relate hard as a recovering grammar asshole! I probably get that from an English professor parent, which is ironic because it's always pissed me off when they do it to ME! But realizing in recent years that being a grammar stickler can slide into classism, racism, etc. was a huge wake-up call in that regard.
I'm also guilty on the "love and eat the pig" thing - something I've been acutely aware of in the past, and wondering if eating meat is hypocritical since I'm uncomfortable knowing DOGS are food in some parts of the world! And yet, I'll probably never go vegetarian or vegan unless a doctor basically forces me to. Brains are weird.
other reactions i've had that have inspired me to respond to you in writing like this:
-- i'm with you on not understanding public venmo transactions. would it help to reframe it as low-key findom exhibitionism? it helps me, i just realized!
-- i'm also with you on liking it when people cross streets thoughtfully and speedily when cars are waiting. THOUGH i will say that when people only are "pretending to jog," that sometimes makes it worse for me somehow?
-- i ALSO personally prefer when things are easy!
-- thank you for THIS beautiful sentence/sentiment: "How can you love the pig and eat the pig???"
-- I ALSO CARE MORE ABOUT BEING COMFORTABLE THAN FASHIONABLE
-- i could go note by note through the rest of your list but i'll just say there's a lot of resonance here and also this sentence is VERY FUNNY: "There are people out there that will walk by a dog and not exclaim, “Oh my god, look at that fluffer!!”"
finally, the point you've come to about figuring out the right way for YOU to operate, that's big big big! congrats and great work! truly, whenever we think or feel PEOPLE "SHOULD" DO [BLANK], that for sure means we think WE "should" do [blank].
thanks for sharing of your unique personal experience in a way that (nearly) universally relates to ME.
I completely agree with the piece about agreeing to disagree. However, I have to admit that it is incredibly hard to say it and mean it. Can't they see I am right all the time?! (joking)
What I am working on now, especially with the people I love, is putting faith that they are making their decisions for some reason that is meaningful to them. I don't have to understand their perspective to trust that how they feel is true to them.
Great post as always! They always give me something to think about.
-Everyone is different. Different tastes, different opinions, different experiences, different minds, different perspectives.
-There is a difference between the idea itself and the way people apply it. The idea can be clear and defined, but its application depends on the context and the person executing it. Each person can take the idea and adapt it to their situation, which leads to different approaches.
That’s a great list and I agree with most. Sometimes it takes me forever to respond to anything, though. I just set up a Venmo account so you reminded me to make mine private.
I keep my Venmo transactions public because I think it’s fun for my friends to have updates on what I’m up to it’s like the same motivations as sharing my location with people
Re crossing the road... I will speed up if the driver smiles at me. But if they rev their engine, or if I had to glare at them to make them stop for me, you’d best believe I’m walking slowly. (My very small weapon in the war on cars...). I do feel very guilty when bus drivers stop to let me cross - I’m not more important than the 50 people on board!
I totally relate to all of this!! 🤣
Hahaha I used to be a they’re/there/their person! I think it’s that I would always notice! So I thought others noticed too, but just didn’t care. Fast forward to now when I’ve *gasp* caught myself making a mistake on which ones to use! Lol. And I was like huh, I just wasn’t paying attention, I’m busy thinking of other things, or I have less practice writing any of those words so I was out of practice figuring out which one to use. It’s funny how my perspective changed. We really think the world sees things the way we do, but they really don’t 😄.
I have to chuckle because often my OCD will latch on to social norms and trying to figure out what’s the “right” way to do things... instead of my right way
Love this. I agree with a lot of yours actually although not all bother me and a few I'm not in the same camp on so we can agree to disagree :) ... Venmo being private makes sense to me although I don't really care if people do it or not ... I don't care at all about typos or grammar issues although I always notice extraneous apostrophes and I don't really understand people who put a lot of emphasis on those things ... I do tend to speed up when walking across the street but at the same time prefer walking cities and think it's probably good for people in cars to be a little frustrated so maybe they won't use their cars as much and can just get out and walk too. ... Regardless of all these things, I think you're on to some magic here about letting people be as they are, loving them as they are, trying not to let the little differences annoy us. Although I still struggle a lot with people who are chronically late to things :)
Yep, I was always taught not to run when a car is waiting for me to cross. Pedestrians have the right of way and a driver can wait. If it takes a little longer, that's fine!
I think what's interesting about the people who care a lot about grammar, is that they caring is often tied up in ableism, classism or racism.
"Why are you like this?" Is my general response to most people.
I can relate hard as a recovering grammar asshole! I probably get that from an English professor parent, which is ironic because it's always pissed me off when they do it to ME! But realizing in recent years that being a grammar stickler can slide into classism, racism, etc. was a huge wake-up call in that regard.
I'm also guilty on the "love and eat the pig" thing - something I've been acutely aware of in the past, and wondering if eating meat is hypocritical since I'm uncomfortable knowing DOGS are food in some parts of the world! And yet, I'll probably never go vegetarian or vegan unless a doctor basically forces me to. Brains are weird.
dear allison,
i love this, as always.
that cartoon!
"WE'RE SO DIFFERENT" "why are you shouting"
it's beautiful!
other reactions i've had that have inspired me to respond to you in writing like this:
-- i'm with you on not understanding public venmo transactions. would it help to reframe it as low-key findom exhibitionism? it helps me, i just realized!
-- i'm also with you on liking it when people cross streets thoughtfully and speedily when cars are waiting. THOUGH i will say that when people only are "pretending to jog," that sometimes makes it worse for me somehow?
-- i ALSO personally prefer when things are easy!
-- thank you for THIS beautiful sentence/sentiment: "How can you love the pig and eat the pig???"
-- I ALSO CARE MORE ABOUT BEING COMFORTABLE THAN FASHIONABLE
-- i could go note by note through the rest of your list but i'll just say there's a lot of resonance here and also this sentence is VERY FUNNY: "There are people out there that will walk by a dog and not exclaim, “Oh my god, look at that fluffer!!”"
finally, the point you've come to about figuring out the right way for YOU to operate, that's big big big! congrats and great work! truly, whenever we think or feel PEOPLE "SHOULD" DO [BLANK], that for sure means we think WE "should" do [blank].
thanks for sharing of your unique personal experience in a way that (nearly) universally relates to ME.
love,
myq
I completely agree with the piece about agreeing to disagree. However, I have to admit that it is incredibly hard to say it and mean it. Can't they see I am right all the time?! (joking)
What I am working on now, especially with the people I love, is putting faith that they are making their decisions for some reason that is meaningful to them. I don't have to understand their perspective to trust that how they feel is true to them.
Great post as always! They always give me something to think about.
Cannot stand or understand chronically late people
-Everyone is different. Different tastes, different opinions, different experiences, different minds, different perspectives.
-There is a difference between the idea itself and the way people apply it. The idea can be clear and defined, but its application depends on the context and the person executing it. Each person can take the idea and adapt it to their situation, which leads to different approaches.
That’s a great list and I agree with most. Sometimes it takes me forever to respond to anything, though. I just set up a Venmo account so you reminded me to make mine private.
I keep my Venmo transactions public because I think it’s fun for my friends to have updates on what I’m up to it’s like the same motivations as sharing my location with people
What does it update on? Money being sent or..?
The money I’m sending corresponds with what I’m doing..
Gotcha. I literally just signed up for it, so I don’t know the app very well.