Thank you for this, Allison. It is has been hard for me not to personalize the breakage of trust. But you are right when you say, “And if they end up breaking my trust, it won’t be my fault for not seeing it coming or not going to great lengths to prevent it. It will be their fault—and theirs alone.” How are we to ever predict the actions of someone else? Even those we think we know well will always surprise us.
The hard part for me is to choose to trust again. The pain and hurt after betrayal is so unbearable.. every time it happens, I tell myself I can never go through such an experience again. My body is tensing up as I think of it!
Ooof I totally get that! I definitely needed to do some serious healing before I got there. Not blaming myself also helped make the pain a lot more tolerable. Sending so much love xoxo A
the two scenarios you offer at the end are right on.
a possible positive > a guaranteed negative
100%
congrats on this attitude! i think that believing in the possibility of a positive outcome and acting on it is much more conducive to RECEIVING a positive outcome than in not doing that.
Do you have any mantras or tools that you use on the daily to help with this? My instinct is not to trust, and overriding that instinct all the time is exhausting. Any tips would be amazing! 💜
I think reminding myself that other people's actions are their responsibility combined with paying attention to how much calmer I feel when I do trust helps keep the motivation up!
Thank you for this, Allison. It is has been hard for me not to personalize the breakage of trust. But you are right when you say, “And if they end up breaking my trust, it won’t be my fault for not seeing it coming or not going to great lengths to prevent it. It will be their fault—and theirs alone.” How are we to ever predict the actions of someone else? Even those we think we know well will always surprise us.
The hard part for me is to choose to trust again. The pain and hurt after betrayal is so unbearable.. every time it happens, I tell myself I can never go through such an experience again. My body is tensing up as I think of it!
Ooof I totally get that! I definitely needed to do some serious healing before I got there. Not blaming myself also helped make the pain a lot more tolerable. Sending so much love xoxo A
dear allison,
this is super.
the two scenarios you offer at the end are right on.
a possible positive > a guaranteed negative
100%
congrats on this attitude! i think that believing in the possibility of a positive outcome and acting on it is much more conducive to RECEIVING a positive outcome than in not doing that.
thanks for sharing! and trusting! great thoughts!
love,
myq
Thank you so much Myq! <3 A
Educative!
Found myself in this situation, now I can boldly look at the positive aspect of it.
Thank you, Allison.
I'm so glad it was helpful!! xox A
Sometimes a little trust can go a long way.
Definitely!
i REALLY loved this--the way you laid out the 2 options you saw in front of you regarding your relationship with trust resonated with me so much 🩵
Oh I'm so glad! Thank you for reading! xox A
Do you have any mantras or tools that you use on the daily to help with this? My instinct is not to trust, and overriding that instinct all the time is exhausting. Any tips would be amazing! 💜
I think reminding myself that other people's actions are their responsibility combined with paying attention to how much calmer I feel when I do trust helps keep the motivation up!