22 Comments
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Jessica's avatar

YES! I can always count on Allison to beautifully explain something that I often think about but have never actually put out into words

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Allison Raskin's avatar

This is so kind! Thank you!!

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Katie's avatar

“It has less to do with your character and more to do with your conditioning” SO GOOD!

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Allison Raskin's avatar

So glad it resonated!!

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Melinda Gayle's avatar

Indeed. Sometimes the hardest person to believe in...is yourself.

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Allison Raskin's avatar

Absolutely!

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Myq Kaplan's avatar

dear allison,

another beautiful piece! some standout lines to me:

"people are wrong about all sorts of things all the time" <-- RIGHT!

"The decision to start to be nice to yourself is a deeply personal one and it requires a leap of faith that some people aren’t ready to take." <-- COMPASSIONATE!

"Imagine believing you are worthy of love and happiness and then not getting those things. How embarrassing!" <-- HILARIOUS!

i believe that in the talmud, a rabbi shares that they keep one piece of paper in their pocket that says "this world was created for you" and another that says "you are nothing but ash and dust." if you're focusing more on the latter, maybe consider the truth of the former as well!

and outside the talmud, in bo burnham's song "from god's perspective," there are these beautiful powerful meaningful lyrics as well: "If you want love then the love has gotta come from you"

thanks for giving love to yourself and to others, allison. and to everyone else who is doing that.

i love you!

much love,

myq

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Allison Raskin's avatar

I always love the quotes you share!! Thank you so much!!

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Myq Kaplan's avatar

thank YOU! so glad!

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Soph's avatar

So simply and compellingly put!! This is something I could always use a reminder on

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Allison Raskin's avatar

Honestly same! Thank you for reading!!

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Mariana Caldas's avatar

Ugh… This is so true! It’s a real human tragedy that we seem to be unable to be kind to ourselves simply because we are human and yet we can often extend kindness and compassion to other people without being as harsh and judgmental as we are towards ourselves. I suppose this is one of the reasons that humans are social creatures: we must learn compassion from others towards ourselves.

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Allison Raskin's avatar

oooo i love this perspective! Thank you for sharing!!

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Heidi Vanderlee's avatar

i needed this <3

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Allison Raskin's avatar

<3 <3 <3

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Proiti's avatar

An extremely nuanced take as always! Much appreciated ♥️

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Allison Raskin's avatar

Thank you for reading!!

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Mila Kaut's avatar

Yeppp!! Thank you for so succinctly articulating a whole bunch of explanations that I've been exploring with my therapist recently. The second and third hypotheses hit especially hard. Beating myself up before anyone else can is absolutely my way of protecting myself from other people's expectations and disappointment. The comfort of those old habits also shields me from the potential pitfalls and hurt that come with change. Oof.

I also so appreciate how you explain all of this as conditioning—it can be unlearned and reconfigured!

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Allison Raskin's avatar

I'm so glad it was helpful! It's wild what our brains will do to "protect" us! xoxo A

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T 123's avatar

Everyone wants to be better. While hating yourself can be tragic, it may feel unavoidable at times.

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Pandora Elspeth's avatar

Holy shit. Hypothesis 2. What a revelation. Oh, to be perceived. Bringing this one into therapy. Fuck. Raskin you did it again!

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J Bradley O's avatar

Not sure if you intended it this way, Allison, but several points provoked for me a light belly laugh. So poignantly true, so humorously stated - like sugar to make the medicine go down. It's easy to see why you're so well regarded. I've identified with many of your points, rather be right than happy, hate as a shield, etc. I'm a genuine basket case that does love/accept/usually at least tolerate myself (mostly, sorta kinda) but not embarrassed when others don't reflect that. More, surprised, saddened. It's a pity what they're missing. (sigh) But perhaps I'm just a niche of my own.

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